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Some parents want their children to read only serious educational books at all times. They don’t want their children to read any entertainment books because they think it is were of time. Do you agree or disagree? v.6

Some parents want their children to read only serious educational books at all times. They don’t want their children to read any entertainment books because they think it is were of time. v. 6
Nowadays, few parents aspire that children should concentrate on reading content beneficial to their education and growth instead of reading books having entertainment value as they consider them as wastage of precious time. In my opinion, this thought process is completely wrong as books such as comics, fiction novels prove to be one of the road maps to instil habit of reading amongst children. Firstly, children get bored of reading educational stuff quite easily which renders them loosing their engrossment for reading. Moreover, these books are based on the facts and knowledge which children find it difficult to grasp when they are reading alone. Additionally, according to the survey by some universities, children who spend their time reading stuffs apart from the educational books tend to spend more time on books related to education as well as compared to students who are forced to study serious content only. Secondly, children are intrigued by the comic books and the fiction novels and are get riveted towards them. Moreover, these stuffs help the children to relax from their study tensions and also helps them fostering the quality of thinking and building their imaginative power. This also helps parents in inculcating the curiosity of learning a foreign language. For example, Harry Potter book series inculcated various non native English speaking children to learn English language so as to read those books which proved helpful to them in their future years. To conclude, educational books are rudimentary stuffs for the learning, but, entertainment content also has prodigious benefits which can result in the personal as well as the academic development of the children.
Nowadays, few parents aspire that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should concentrate on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
content beneficial to their education and growth
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
having entertainment value as they consider them as wastage of precious time. In my opinion, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
process is completely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
such as comics, fiction novels prove to be one of the road maps to
Possible spelling mistake. 'instil' is British English.
instil
habit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
amongst children.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
In standard English it's more accepted to use "bored with" or "bored by".
bored of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stuff
quite
easily
which renders them loosing their engrossment for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
.
Moreover
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
are based
on the facts and knowledge which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
find it difficult to grasp when they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
alone.
Additionally
, according to the survey by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
universities,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who spend their time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stuffs
apart from the educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
tend to spend more time on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
related to education
as well
as compared to students who
are forced
to study serious content
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are intrigued
by the comic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
and the fiction novels and are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
riveted towards them.
Moreover
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stuffs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to relax from their study tensions and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them
The verb 'tensions' is used with an infinitive: "to foster" or "foster".
fostering
the quality of thinking and building their imaginative power. This
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
parents in inculcating the curiosity of learning a foreign language.
For example
, Harry Potter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
series inculcated various
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
non native
Did you mean the adjective "English-speaking"?
English speaking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to learn English language
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
read those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
which proved helpful to them in their future years.

To conclude
, educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
are rudimentary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stuffs
for the learning,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, entertainment content
also
has prodigious benefits which can result in the personal
as well
as the academic development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Some parents want their children to read only serious educational books at all times. They don’t want their children to read any entertainment books because they think it is were of time. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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