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In today’s world of advanced science and technology, we still greatly value our artists such as musicians, painters and writers. What can arts tell us about life that science and technology cannot? v.9

In today’s world of advanced science and technology, we still greatly value our artists such as musicians, painters and writers. What can arts tell us about life that science and technology cannot? v. 9
In the contemporary world, people are busy with fighting their own battles to pursue a better quality of life. Even though, advancements in technology and science is helping to make these persuasions a reality to a great extent, still they are looking for a work by a musician, a painter or a writer when they want to obtain their peace of mind. The arts have the great ability of calming down a person's mind, following essay will discuss factors of this in detail. To begin with, advent of science and technology made almost everything on earth feasible for human beings. For instance, great infrastructures, modern medicine, digital communication and advanced educational opportunities are bringing up people's standard of living while boosting their economic levels up to the ladder. On the other hand, modern human cannot survive without these supreme allies as they are heavily dependent on them on a daily basis with everything. For example, if a company lose the internet connectivity only for a few seconds, it could bring a great loss to the company which might could take months to recover. However, these technologies or scientific findings cannot touch the human's soul. People in the modern world are suffering from high stress levels, depression and suicidal thoughts, sometimes they cannot face the reality of life challenges hence most of them are breaking off easily. Only a piece of art can talk to their inner soul to heal them. For instance, someone who has a high stress level can easily calm down their mind if they listen to a soothing music or go to an art exhibition. In conclusion, all human beings are busy like bees, even they don't have time to breathe fresh air sometimes. Therefore, under these circumstances, most are greatly appreciating what artists bringing into their lives to heal them, which any modern day scientific findings fail to do.
In the contemporary world,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are busy with fighting their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
battles to pursue a better quality of life.
Even though
, advancements in technology and science is helping to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
these persuasions a reality to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
extent,
still
they are looking for a work by a musician, a painter or a writer when they want to obtain their peace of mind. The arts have the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
ability of calming down a person's mind, following essay will discuss factors of this in detail.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, advent of science and technology made almost everything on earth feasible for human beings.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
infrastructures,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
medicine, digital communication and advanced educational opportunities are bringing up
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's standard of living while boosting their economic levels up to the ladder.
On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
human cannot survive without these supreme allies as they are
heavily
dependent on them on a daily basis with everything.
For example
, if a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
lose the internet connectivity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for a few seconds, it could bring a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
loss to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
which might could take months to recover.

However
, these technologies or scientific findings cannot touch the human's soul.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
world are suffering from high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
levels, depression and suicidal thoughts,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
they cannot face the reality of life challenges
hence
most of them are breaking off
easily
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
a piece of art can talk to their inner soul to heal them.
For instance
, someone who has a high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
level can
easily
calm down their mind if they listen to a soothing music or go to an art exhibition.

In conclusion
, all human beings are busy like bees, even they don't have time to breathe fresh air
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
.
Therefore
,
under these circumstances
, most are
greatly
appreciating what artists bringing into their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
to heal them, which any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
day scientific findings fail to do.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In today’s world of advanced science and technology, we still greatly value our artists such as musicians, painters and writers. What can arts tell us about life that science and technology cannot? v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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