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Scientists believe that in order to protect the environment, people must use less energy in their daily lives. However, most people have not changed the way they live. Why do you think many people have not taken individual action? What could be done to encourage them to take action? v.2

Scientists believe that in order to protect the environment, people must use less energy in their daily lives. However, most people have not changed the way they live. Why do you think many people have not taken individual action? What could be done to encourage them to take action? v. 2
There has been a rising concern with regards to the environment. However, some researchers are on view that, only if individuals change their current lifestyle, it could lead in reducing the consumption of energy. The development in the field of technology, has made the life of the people very convenient. Hence, people have become very habitual towards the extensive usage of energy as it adds comfort to their life. For example, people nowadays do not use much of public transport, as they prefer to use their own vehicle, because it is more comfortable for them. In addition, to match up with their current fast paced life, people now have changed their traditional cooking habits, as now they prefer cooking meals in microwaves which takes lesser time but consumes more energy. Moreover, as people are not directly impacted, a number of people fail to understand the importance of the energy preservation. Furthermore, the lack of awareness among the people in regards to energy preservation, has resulted in no actions being taken. In my view, the government intervention could be needed to encourage people to take actions to reduce the consumption of energy. To start with, the government can improve the public transportation system, which can encourage the individuals to use the public transport. Secondly, the government should also organise awareness programs which, can educate and encourage the individuals to save energy. In my conclusion, it is important that as individuals we need to take measures to reduce and avoid wastage of energy. However, the government can create awareness among people, which could support this cause.
There has been a rising concern
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
with regards to
the environment.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
researchers are on view that,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
lifestyle, it could lead in reducing the consumption of energy.

The development in the field of technology, has made the life of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
convenient.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
habitual towards the extensive usage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
adds
comfort to their life.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
much of public transport, as they prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
vehicle,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is more comfortable for them.
In addition
, to match up with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
paced life,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
their traditional cooking habits, as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
they prefer cooking meals in microwaves which takes lesser time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
consumes more energy.

Moreover
, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not
directly
impacted, a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
fail to understand the importance of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
preservation.
Furthermore
, the lack of awareness among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
in regards to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
preservation, has resulted in no actions
being taken
.

In my view, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
intervention could
be needed
to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to take actions to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the public transportation system, which can encourage the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the public transport.
Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
also
Possible spelling mistake. 'organise' is British English.
organise
awareness programs which, can educate and encourage the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
to save energy.

In my conclusion, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
we need to take measures to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
and avoid wastage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can create awareness among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, which could support this cause.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Scientists believe that in order to protect the environment, people must use less energy in their daily lives. However, most people have not changed the way they live. Why do you think many people have not taken individual action? What could be done to encourage them to take action? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
264 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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