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Some parents think computer games are better for children and they should be allowed to play more of them whereas some parents argue that they are harmful to children v.2

Some parents think computer games are better for children and they should be allowed to play more of them whereas some parents argue that they are harmful to children v. 2
Computers are one of the basic needs to most of the people now-a-days. Children are also very fond of computers, laptop and mobile phones. They are not out of reach of computers at all. They learn about it also in schools and more about it at home. Kids mainly play many video games in computers. There are mainly two different views of parents about letting them play more video games or not. There are some video games specially designed for some special age groups of children through which they learn many things like colours, shapes, alphabets, etc and enhance their knowledge about those things by attractive features used in it. They can memorize small small things and spellings easily and happily in their play. Some middle age group children also play racing games and General Knowledge games which improve their logic and current affairs through it. These games are also used and benefitted in real life also. Children learn to use these games by using those logics in general life too. Children can be aware of using new technologies like computers in this competitive world. Such are the advantages of making them play more video games. On the contrary, there are some reasons about parents not allowing kids to play games on computers. Firstly, Children sit at one place for long time to play video games so it makes them inactive in outdoor games. They does not create inerest in other physical games. Parents have to force them to go out for play and also loose their sportsmanship. Secondly, they also damage their eyes as they sit in front of screen for very long time. Finally, parents also think that the logics and general knowledge can also be learnt though outdoor games and books. Thus on the whole, it can be said that games can be allowed to play bt only for the short time span. Parents can make them play both video games and out door games simultaniously. So it depends upon the parents at last that how they want their children to grow.
Computers are one of the basic needs to most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
-a-days.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
fond of computers, laptop and mobile phones. They are not out of reach of computers at all. They learn about it
also
in schools and more about it at home. Kids
mainly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
in computers. There are
mainly
two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
about letting them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
or not.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
specially
designed for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
special age groups of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
through which they learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things like
Possible spelling mistake. 'colours' is British English.
colours
, shapes, alphabets, etc and enhance their knowledge about those things by attractive features
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in it. They can memorize
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
things and spellings
easily
and
happily
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
middle age group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
racing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and General Knowledge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their logic and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
affairs through it. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
benefitted
in real life
also
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
learn to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
by using those logics
in general
life too.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
can be aware of using new technologies like computers in this competitive world. Such are the advantages of making them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
games.

On the contrary
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
not allowing kids to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
on computers.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
sit at one place for long time to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them inactive in outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. They
Possible agreement error -- use base form here: "do".
does
not create
Possible spelling mistake found.
inerest
in other physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
force them to go out for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
and
also
Did you mean "lose" (= miss, waste, suffer the loss etc.)?
loose
their sportsmanship.
Secondly
, they
also
damage their eyes as they sit in front of screen for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
long time.
Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the logics and general knowledge can
also
be
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
though outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and books.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
on the whole
, it can
be said
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
Possible spelling mistake found.
bt
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for the short time span.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and out door
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
Possible spelling mistake found.
simultaniously
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it depends upon the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
at last that how they want their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to grow.
18Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
44Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes

IELTS essay Some parents think computer games are better for children and they should be allowed to play more of them whereas some parents argue that they are harmful to children v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
345 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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