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Some parents think computer games are better for children and they should be allowed to play more of them. whereas some parents argue that they are harmful to children. Do you think advantages outweight disadvantages. v.1

Some parents think computer games are better for children and they should be allowed to play more of them. whereas some parents argue that they are harmful to children. Do you think advantages outweight disadvantages. v. 1
It is often argued that many parent permit their children to play computer games because they believe that this will help to build their technical skills. I think that, sitting in front of the computer and playing games in an early developing years of life has more disadvantages than benefits because this is not only harmful to children's eyesight but can also responsible for indulging their offspring into criminal activities. To begin with, watching a computer screen for a more extended time will create a negative impact on a child's vision. Much research has proved that specific kinds of blue color light are emitting from the graphics which usually use in creating games and, this may damage the particular cells, "rods and cones" in the eye which are responsible for vision. For example, a recent survey conducted by the British medical council on the children who are wearing eye correction lenses. They found among them over 25% of those who are spending plenty of time playing computer games and sitting in front of the screen and moving their eyeball continuously. Furthermore, some web games which many children enjoy to play have violent content which are responsible for making a child's criminal. Regularly playing such games will slowly and gradually embed the negative and antisocial behaviors in them. For example, some game has a rule that when a player shoots a person, will get points. As a result, the child is slowly implementing this rule in their lives. For instance, the Indian police solved a triple murder case last year, where they found out a group of children shooting people to obtain points because they were playing similar games on the computer. In conclusion, I believe that despite incorporating technical skills, computer games create many negative impacts on the child physically as well as mentally.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parent permit their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to play computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they believe that this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to build their technical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that, sitting in front of the computer and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
in an early developing
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "year"?
years
of life has more disadvantages than benefits
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
harmful to children's eyesight
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
can
also
responsible for indulging their offspring into criminal activities.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, watching a computer screen for a more extended time will create a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on a child's vision. Much research has proved that specific kinds of blue color light are emitting from the graphics which
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in creating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and, this may damage the particular cells,
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
rods and cones
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
in the eye which are responsible for vision.
For example
, a recent survey conducted by the British medical council on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who are wearing eye correction lenses. They found among them over 25% of those who are spending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and sitting in front of the screen and moving their eyeball
continuously
.

Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
web
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
enjoy to play have violent content which are responsible for making a child's criminal.
Regularly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
will
slowly
and
gradually
embed the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
and antisocial behaviors in them.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
game has a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
that when a player shoots a person, will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
points.
As a result
, the child is
slowly
implementing this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
For instance
, the Indian police solved a triple murder case last year, where they found out a group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
shooting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to obtain points
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
similar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
on the computer.

In conclusion
, I believe that despite incorporating technical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on the child
physically
as well
as mentally.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Some parents think computer games are better for children and they should be allowed to play more of them. whereas some parents argue that they are harmful to children. Do you think advantages outweight disadvantages. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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