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A country becomes more interesting and develops more quickly when its population includes a mixture of nationalities. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.15

A country becomes more interesting and develops more quickly when its population includes a mixture of nationalities. v. 15
It is argued that a nation with diverse nationalities of habitants would be more fascinating and growth more quickly. I totally agree with this opinion and I will elaborate on the reasons below. To begin with, people from other nations with different culture can enrich the local culture of the country. First, when immigrants arrive, they usually bring their familiar things the host country. For example, in New York city, one of the most popular cities for immigration, it can be found lots of restaurants from overseas such as China, Japan, Italian or Spain, etc. In terms of foods, individuals of a multicultural country have many more choices at dinner time. Second local architecture also benefits from foreign culture. For instance, nowadays it is easy to find a Japanese style outstanding train station or local house using Holland’s style elegant red bricks in a small Taiwanese old town due to the immigration of Japanese and Holland’s architects hundreds years ago. In addition, immigrants can help a country growth more quickly with their new ideas and business connection in their home country. In the modern economics, innovation is one of the most important factors to success; and individuals who are cultivated with different culture often can think out of the box comparing to locals and provide alternative solutions in business field. Furthermore, if a country wants to keep its fast growing pace, it is inevitable to build trading relationship with other countries. In this circumstance, immigrants with their relationship in these countries and speak those countries’ languages are definitely most precious human asset for the society. In conclusion, people from the other country can enrich local culture, such as foods and architecture, and bring innovative ideas and business connection from their home country to assist host country to growth faster.
It
is argued
that a nation with diverse nationalities of habitants would be more fascinating and growth more
quickly
. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion and I will elaborate on the reasons below.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from other nations with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
can enrich the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
First
, when immigrants arrive, they
usually
bring their familiar things the host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
For example
, in
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
New York city
, one of the most popular cities for immigration, it can
be found
lots of restaurants from overseas such as China, Japan, Italian or Spain, etc. In terms of foods, individuals of a multicultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more choices at dinner time. Second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
architecture
also
benefits from foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
.
For instance
, nowadays it is easy to find a Japanese style outstanding train station or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
using Holland’s style elegant red bricks in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
Taiwanese
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
town due to the immigration of Japanese and Holland’s architects hundreds years ago.

In addition
, immigrants can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
growth more
quickly
with their new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and business connection in their home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. In the modern economics, innovation is one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factors to success; and individuals who
are cultivated
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
out of the box comparing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
and provide alternative solutions in business field.
Furthermore
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
wants to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
growing pace, it is inevitable to build trading relationship with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. In this circumstance, immigrants with their relationship in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and speak those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries’
languages are definitely most precious human asset for the society.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
can enrich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
, such as foods and architecture, and bring innovative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and business connection from their home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to assist host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to growth faster.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay A country becomes more interesting and develops more quickly when its population includes a mixture of nationalities. v. 15

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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