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Bringing in foreign workers to fill positions that domestic workers are unwilling to do can cause problems in the local community and should, therefore, be stopped. Do what extent do you agree with this? v.8

Bringing in foreign workers to fill positions that domestic workers are unwilling to do can cause problems in the local community and should, therefore, be stopped. Do what extent do you agree with this? v. 8
It is true that getting helping hands from other nations for the vacant position (which internal workforce deny taking up), posse’s threat to the home community. However, I am not fully agreed as it has some benefits too. This essay will discuss the merits and demerits of the trend. First of all, the majority of outside workers are from developing nations like India and China, who face difficulty in finding work in their own country and need to struggle hard to meet the basic requirement of family. Thus, providing employment to them is a win-win situation for both home as well as other nations. The local community is getting support in terms of workforce and other in terms of economy. Additionally, foreign workers are relatively cheap source of labour, which is profitable for the country. These people respect job as it is like their bread butter, so it becomes easy for the employing country to get the work done by the outsider as compared to from local people. As I mentioned earlier hiring foreign employees have both negatives and positives. So, in this paragraph, I will enlighten some of its some drawbacks. Firstly, since the motive of these folks is to earn money, therefore, they may not be loyal to the country and can anytime switch for a better opportunity. Secondly, they could be a source of crime as they do not have any emotional bonding with the nation and its citizen. Moreover, they are ready to work low wages as well which becomes a problem for the local workforce as they find difficult to negotiate salary with the employers. To conclude, I would say first of all a country should try to provide employment to people so that they don' t have to struggle to earn their basic amenities. However, instead of keeping job vacancy open and waiting for a suitable local person, it’s better to provide opportunity to the worthy and needy immigrant.
It is true that getting helping hands from other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
for the vacant position (which internal workforce deny taking up), posse’s threat to the home community.
However
, I am not
fully
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
as it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits too. This essay will discuss the merits and demerits of the trend.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the majority of outside workers are from developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
like India and China, who face difficulty in finding work in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and need to struggle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the basic requirement of family.
Thus
, providing employment to them is a win-win situation for both home
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
community is getting support in terms of workforce and other in terms of economy.
Additionally
, foreign workers are
relatively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
source of
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
, which is profitable for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. These
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
respect job as it is like their bread butter,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it becomes easy for the employing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the work done by the outsider as compared to from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

As I mentioned earlier hiring foreign employees have both negatives and positives.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, in this paragraph, I will enlighten
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks.
Firstly
, since the motive of these folks is to earn money,
therefore
, they may not be loyal to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and can anytime switch for a better opportunity.
Secondly
, they could be a source of crime as they do not have any emotional bonding with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
and its citizen.
Moreover
, they are ready to work low wages
as well
which becomes a problem for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
workforce as they find difficult to negotiate salary with the employers.

To conclude
, I would say
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
first of all
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
should try to provide employment to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they
Possible spelling mistake found.
don&
#039; t
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
struggle to earn their basic amenities.
However
,
instead
of keeping job vacancy open and waiting for a suitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
person, it’s better to provide opportunity to the worthy and needy immigrant.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Bringing in foreign workers to fill positions that domestic workers are unwilling to do can cause problems in the local community and should, therefore, be stopped. Do what extent do you agree with this? v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
325 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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