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some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. what are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having large number of toys? v.9

some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. what are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having large number of toys? v. 9
During childhood, usually kids need some toys to play which make them busy and helps to improve their mental growth. As most of the toys nowadays are based on sharpening the brain of little ones. Few parents brought their kids a large amount of toys to play with, in order to make them feel happy. The essay will discuss about the pros and cons of having a large number of toys. Toys nowadays are aiming their focus on building up a strong and sharp mental growth of kids, newly discovered games can improve the speaking and communicating skills of little ones. Having toys in large amount can make them busy in playing while the ladies of the house can complete their household assignments at that time. One of my friends gifted my niece a toy which can pronounce all the alphabets, that toy improves her vocabulary a lot surprisingly. Having a large number of toys are disadvantageous too, because children get used to them and want those every time attached to them, which results in disturbing their bed time. I had experienced that with my child, he was very fond of toys like cars, scooters. We bought him a big car on his birthday. On one day he was riding that car and met with a small accident. After that incident, he is no more interested in those toys and wasted a lot of money on them. To conclude, providing children with more toys is both advantageous and disadvantageous. Parents should keep a regular check on their kid’s toys and should observe the usage and manufacturing quality of the product to avoid any serious injury.
During childhood,
usually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
to play which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them busy and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their mental growth.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
nowadays
are based
on sharpening the brain of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
. Few parents brought their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
to play with, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them feel happy. The essay will
Did you mean simply "discuss the"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about the
pros and cons of having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
number of toys.

Toys nowadays are aiming their focus on building up a strong and sharp mental growth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
,
newly
discovered games can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the speaking and communicating
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
. Having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
amount can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them busy in playing while the ladies of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
can complete their household assignments at that time. One of my friends gifted my niece a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toy
which can pronounce all the alphabets, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
her vocabulary a lot
surprisingly
.

Having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
are disadvantageous too,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to them and want those every time attached to them, which results in disturbing their bed time. I had experienced that with my child, he was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
fond of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
like cars, scooters. We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
him a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
car on his birthday. On one day he was riding that car and met with a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
accident. After that incident, he is no more interested in those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
and wasted
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money on them.

To conclude
, providing children with more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
is both advantageous and disadvantageous. Parents should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
a regular
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
and should observe the usage and manufacturing quality of the product to avoid any serious injury.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. what are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having large number of toys? v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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