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is being friendly neccessary to succeed in business? v.1

is being friendly neccessary to succeed in business? v. 1
I do agree that friendly and outgoing personalities are important for a business to succeed. Being a businessman is mostly about being able to sell stuff to different people. And the first step of selling is to communicate with your clients and being able to inform them about the advantages of your goods. Most people appreciate the manner of being friendly, and this is not that easy without the person being sociable. These personality traits can eliminate the gap between people and businessmen which will make it easier for them to talk, about what they are interested in more freely. Besides, with such an attitude, it is more likely to be well thought of and respected by the employees. These, for me, are the most important cases, connected with the topic. Friendly people are always easy going and warm-hearted. They are willing to help their colleagues even in tough situations. This quality is very important in every job, especially in stressful ones and business definitely belongs to this group. Supporting others at your workplace creates hospitable space which further leads to reduction of stress and burnout of employees and it is a well-known fact that people work more effectively if their surrounding is healthy. Another positive aspect of heaving kind character is easiness in finding a job. Employment interviews are principal in this process – this means that you have to talk with recruiters. Although they firstly look at your experience, education and so on, they also pay attention to your behaviour and general impression. By being friendly and outgoing you can not only convince recruiters to hire you, but also cover up small lack of experience or knowledge of business. Your boss will be more than satisfied to have a nice worker willing to learn than rugged, boorish experienced person. Finally, being friendly and outgoing can gain you some new business contacts and help in negotiations. Your trade partners will be much more interested in working with you if you just treat them kindly. By changing their attitude from plane transactions into a friendly cooperating, they may be more understanding and even settle a case out of court sometimes. They will describe working with you much more favourably, what can also convince others to work with you! To sum up, there are no disadvantages of being friendly in order to succeed in business. Those qualities may help a lot to achieve this success. In my opinion, it is not only important, but in fact necessary to be outgoing in trade industry. Amending your character will give you a chance for success without any trouble.
I do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friendly
and outgoing personalities are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
to succeed. Being a businessman is
mostly
about being able to sell stuff to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. And the
first
step of selling is to communicate with your clients and being able to inform them about the advantages of your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
appreciate the manner of being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friendly
, and this is not that easy without the person being sociable. These personality traits can eliminate the gap between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and businessmen which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it easier for them to talk, about what they
are interested
in more
freely
.
Besides
, with such an attitude, it is more likely to be well
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
of and respected by the employees. These, for me, are the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
cases, connected with the topic.

Friendly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are always easy going and warm-hearted. They are willing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their colleagues even in tough situations. This quality is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
in every job,
especially
in stressful ones and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
definitely belongs to this group. Supporting others at your workplace creates hospitable space which
further
leads to reduction of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and burnout of employees and
it is a well-known fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
work more
effectively
if their surrounding is healthy.

Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspect of heaving kind character is easiness in finding a job. Employment interviews are principal in this process
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
this means that you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
talk with recruiters. Although they
firstly
look at your experience, education and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on, they
also
pay attention to your
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and general impression. By being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friendly
and outgoing you can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
convince recruiters to hire you,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
cover up
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
lack of experience or knowledge of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
. Your boss will be more than satisfied to have a nice worker willing to learn than rugged, boorish experienced person.

Finally
, being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friendly
and outgoing can gain you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
contacts and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in negotiations. Your trade partners will be much more interested in working with you if you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
treat them kindly. By changing their attitude from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plane
transactions into a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friendly
cooperating, they may be more understanding and even settle a case out of court
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
. They will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
working with you much more
Possible spelling mistake found.
favourably
, what can
also
convince others to work with you!

To sum up, there are no disadvantages of being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friendly
in order to succeed in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
. Those qualities may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
a lot to achieve this success. In my opinion, it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in fact necessary to be outgoing in trade industry. Amending your character will give you a chance for success without any trouble.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay is being friendly neccessary to succeed in business? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
435 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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