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Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys? v.26

Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys? v. 26
In order to cultivate children's intellectual development, a growing number of parents spend money on purchasing different toys for their children. According to an official survey, children's educational toys can allow their cognitive development to be effective and faster. The following paragraphs are going to discuss the pros and cons for children having lots of playthings or toys. Apparently, providing a wider range of toys to children to play with can benefit their psychological developments. The best toys engage a child's senses, spark their imaginations and encourage them to interact with others. For example, Lego blocks can help preschoolers to learn letters, numbers and languages skills. Moreover, it can improve their communication skill as well when they play with other kids. As everyone knows, communication plays an essential role in our life and the toys can help them have playmates with whom they communicate a lot. Finally, some toys are made for children's educational purposes. For example, blocks, educational computer games, puzzles etc. ignite the creativity of children and let them find out their interests. Nevertheless, other people propose that the argument above is merely a one sided story as children having too many playthings become greedy. For instance, many parents spoil their children by purchasing every toy the children want. Afterwards, those children will have a strong desire to acquire more toys. Moreover, those toys need a plenty of money and wasting is an evil act. Furthermore, too many toys may grow a conformist mentality in a child as they are immature to distinguish the good from the bad and they just follow other children's playing style, activity and characters. Finally, if a child gets every toy he wants, he will not value most of the toys and lose his interests on a toy and would like to have a new toy. Thus the true need of toys is misused by purchasing a lot of toys to the children. In conclusion, toys play an important role in helping a child's growth but too many toys affect children's psychological development negatively. Thus parents should lead them in a proper way and purchase a reasonable number of toys that they would feel right for their children.
In order to cultivate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
intellectual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
, a growing number of parents spend money on purchasing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. According to an official survey,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
their cognitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
to be effective and faster. The following paragraphs are going to discuss the pros and cons for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
having lots of playthings or toys.

Apparently
, providing a wider range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
with can benefit their psychological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developments
. The best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
engage a child's senses, spark their imaginations and encourage them to interact with others.
For example
, Lego blocks can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
preschoolers to learn letters, numbers and languages
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Moreover
, it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
as well
when they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
kids. As everyone knows, communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plays
an essential role in our life and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them have playmates with whom they communicate a lot.
Finally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
are made
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
educational purposes.
For example
, blocks, educational computer games, puzzles etc. ignite the creativity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them find out their interests.

Nevertheless
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
propose that the argument above is
merely
a one sided story as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
having too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
playthings become greedy.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parents spoil their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
by purchasing every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toy
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
want. Afterwards, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will have a strong desire to acquire more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
.
Moreover
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
need a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of money and wasting is an evil act.
Furthermore
, too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
may grow a conformist mentality in a child as they are immature to distinguish the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
from the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
bad and
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
follow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
playing style, activity and characters.
Finally
, if a child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toy
he wants, he will not value most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
and lose his interests on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toy
and would like to have a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toy
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
the true need of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
is misused
by purchasing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
to the children.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in helping a child's growth
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
psychological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
negatively
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
parents should lead them
Consider replacing "in a proper way" with the adverb for "proper"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a proper way
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
a reasonable number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
that they would feel right for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
44Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys? v. 26

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
365 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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