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A gift (such as a camera, a soccer ball, or an animal) can contribute to a child’s development. What gift would you give to help a child develop? Why? v.3

A gift (such as a camera, a soccer ball, or an animal) can contribute to a child’s development. What gift would you give to help a child develop? Why? v. 3
During first few years of life, children are greatly influenced by their surroundings, attitude or parents and things they play with. During development ages for a child, his/her mental capabilities and physical growth relies on the way s/he utilises it. In my opinion, sports related gifts will be important for children as they would help them to grow their interest in sports and that might bring out potential talents they might have on sports. In terms of relation building, gifts are always helpful. Before taking the decision to present something to children, one must consider the age, liking and disliking, health hazards, durability and cost of a gift. Children love to play physical sports and enjoy the taste of contact with their beloved ones. By playing football kids will get their muscles developed. It will increase their stamina for walking and running. By playing with children of same age group, they will get these sweet memories imprinted in their mind. From these senses, giving sports materials to kids has many benefits. Similarly, kids like to explore new things and thus grow their interest. A gift like a camera might bring out a potential photographer for the future. Sometimes wrong choices of gifts can cause physical injuries and in some other cases, kids might not use it due to lack of interest in that particular object. Few people present very costly stuff to the growing age group and they don’t appreciate these valuables, simply they misuse it and there will be a waste of money. Giving a small bird or a pet would help them to get close to them and thus it would help them to develop a better understanding of the world and other creatures. Sometimes they require taking care of their pets and they learn this great quality of life. Personally, I would like to give a pet to a child as it would help them in many ways including knowing about this species, getting closer to that pet, taking care of it, and exploring many new activities that would help them better develop as a human. In short, every incidence, contact and story produce some impacts on the personality of a growing child. So the choice of gifts must be very meticulous and useful. Sports item are by and large harmless and produce positive effects in human development while a pet as a gift can help them explore new things and learn how to take care of others.
During
first
few years of life,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
greatly
influenced by their surroundings, attitude or parents and things they play with. During development
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
for a child, his/her mental capabilities and physical growth relies on the way s/he
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilises' is British English.
utilises
it. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as they would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to grow their interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
bring out potential talents they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
have on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. In terms of relation building,
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gifts
are always helpful.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
taking the decision to present something to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
consider the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, liking and disliking, health hazards, durability and cost of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to play physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and enjoy the taste of contact with their beloved ones. By playing football
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their muscles developed. It will increase their stamina for walking and running. By playing with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
of same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
group, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
these sweet memories imprinted in their mind. From these senses, giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
materials to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits.
Similarly
,
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kids
like to explore new things and
thus
grow their interest. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
like a camera
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
bring out a potential photographer for the future.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
choices of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
can cause physical injuries and in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other cases,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it due to lack of interest in that particular object. Few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
present
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
costly stuff to the growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
group and
they don’t appreciate these valuables,
simply
they misuse it and there will be a waste of money.

Giving a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
bird or a pet would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
close to them and
thus
it would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to develop a better understanding of the world and other creatures.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
they require taking care of their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
pets and
they learn this great quality of life.
Personally
, I would like to give a pet to a child as it would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways including knowing about this species, getting closer to that pet, taking care of it, and exploring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
new activities that would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them better develop as a human.

In short, every incidence, contact and story produce
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
impacts on the personality of a growing child.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
the choice of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
meticulous and useful.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
item are by and large harmless and produce
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects in human development while a pet as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them explore new things and learn how to take care of others.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
37Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay A gift (such as a camera, a soccer ball, or an animal) can contribute to a child’s development. What gift would you give to help a child develop? Why? v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
411 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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