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Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys? v.24

In today's world, children are given the luxury to enjoy their childhood with a huge number of toys provided to them. I personally feel that such actions are detrimental to kids in the long run. In this essay I will shed some light on the benefits and drawbacks of this trend. A common belief some people have is that, young ones who are oversupplied with toys will automatically be engrossed in their play time. As a result, naughty children will be preoccupied with play and not disturb their parents. However, if we look from a different angle, such actions suggest that children will always have an upper-hand in the deal demanding new exclusive toys to be given to them. As a result, parents will be forced to spend a hefty amount just to fulfil the needs of their offspring. Thus, in the long run, catering to such unnecessary wants will leave a hole in the parents' pockets as having too many toys is merely a waste of money. Another disadvantage is that, an enormous number of toys adds to a child’s ego. Children, by nature are very competitive in all aspects. In Malaysia, for example, having a premium doll collection, is said to display a child's social standards. This leads to a damaging effect when such affluent youngsters mingle in school just to boast about their materialistic belongings. This luxury showcase will definitely offend other young ones and make them feel belittled. In conclusion, although parents may think that buying more toys actually benefits both their children and themselves, but in fact toys deplete family budgets and act as a means of promoting negative competition among children.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the luxury to enjoy their childhood with a huge number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
provided to them. I
personally
feel that such actions are detrimental to kids in the long run. In this essay I will shed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
light on the benefits and drawbacks of this trend.

A common belief
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have is that, young ones who
are oversupplied
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
will
automatically
be engrossed
in their play time.
As a result
, naughty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will
be preoccupied
with play and not disturb their parents.
However
, if we look from a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
angle, such actions suggest that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will always have an upper-hand in the deal demanding new exclusive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to them.
As a result
, parents will
be forced
to spend a hefty amount
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to fulfil the needs of their offspring.
Thus
, in the long run, catering to such unnecessary wants will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
a hole in the parents' pockets as having too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
is
merely
a waste of money. Another disadvantage is that, an enormous number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
adds
to a child’s ego.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
, by nature are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
competitive in all aspects. In Malaysia,
for example
, having a premium doll collection,
is said
to display a child's social standards. This leads to a damaging effect when such affluent youngsters mingle in school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to boast about their materialistic belongings. This luxury showcase will definitely offend other young ones and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them feel belittled.

In conclusion
, although parents may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that buying more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
actually benefits both their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and themselves,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in fact
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
deplete family budgets and act as a means of promoting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
competition among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
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As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
277 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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