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Some Parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys? v.18

Some Parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys? v. 18
Although many parents are buying numerous toys for their children for playing with seems adorable, this trend seems to have several drawbacks and benefits. On the one hand, there are a few demerits, firstly, when children have many toys, they lose interest in older toys and break them, thus it is a waste of money in buying new ones until older is broken. For instance, it has been witnessed especially in rich and middle class families, parents buying new toys out of love for their children, end up giving away in charity. Secondly, after fulfilling demands of a child can spoil them, while growing, they learn to ask for unnecessary things and if not provided, parents have to face serious consequences. Such as, crying loudly and crawling on the streets, which creates embarrassments for parents. Finally, while children are always engaged in playing, mostly study is ignored, and continuity in lack of studies can make a child academically weak. On the other hand, there are merits of buying playthings to begin with, simply playing with toys, the child's creativity and imagination develop in real life. For example, building blocks play improves child’s imagination from constructing houses, bridge, and garden to museums. Additionally, the child is further indulged in the play, which helps them to invite more friends, hence learn from each other. Like, children play teacher and students or Doctor and patient game, thus real life characters are played and they learn a lot from such experiences. Moreover, from the childhood, their dreams an enthusiastic future goal. For Instance, while playing with aeroplane, the child wishes to be a pilot one day, this way it helps to shape their prospects. In conclusion, buying plentiful toys have both drawbacks and benefits, if not dealt with proper guidance or keeping certain goals in view; parents can make or spoil children unknowingly.
Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
with seems adorable, this trend seems to have several drawbacks and benefits.

On the one hand, there are a few demerits,
firstly
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
, they lose interest in older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
and break them,
thus
it is a waste of money in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
new ones until older
is broken
.
For instance
, it has
been witnessed
especially
in rich and middle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
families,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
out of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up giving away in charity.
Secondly
, after fulfilling demands of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
can spoil them, while growing, they learn to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ask for
unnecessary things and if not provided,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face serious consequences. Such as, crying
loudly
and crawling on the streets, which creates embarrassments for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
Finally
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are always engaged in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
,
mostly
study is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
, and continuity in lack of studies can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
academically
weak.

On the other hand
, there are merits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
playthings to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
simply
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
, the child's creativity and imagination develop in real life.
For example
, building blocks play
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
imagination from constructing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
, bridge, and garden to museums.
Additionally
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
is
further
indulged in the play, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to invite more friends,
hence
learn from each other. Like,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
play teacher and students or Doctor and patient game,
thus
real life characters are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
played and
they learn a lot from such experiences.
Moreover
, from the childhood, their dreams an enthusiastic future goal.
For Instance
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
with
Possible spelling mistake. 'aeroplane' is British English.
aeroplane
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
wishes to be a pilot one day, this way it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to shape their prospects.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
plentiful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
have both drawbacks and benefits, if not dealt with proper guidance or keeping certain goals in view;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
or spoil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
unknowingly
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some Parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys? v. 18

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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