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Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys? v.14

Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys? v. 14
Nowadays, a lot of toys, ranging from simple dolls to complicated electronic gadgets like Video games, are provided for some children by their parents. I think this is not a problem Provided children are sufficiently active and care for their toys. One of the important advantages of children having lots of toys is that there are different Games for them to play. They can choose one of their toys according to their mood and Taste, and are less likely to become bored. Besides, they would certainly be able to learn a Wider variety of skills like problem solving or organization. Different toys can teach them Different things, which means that the more toys they have, the more they are likely to Learn. However, having a lot of different toys could possibly lead to children becoming overweight Since many modern toys like video games and LEGOs, which are very common these days, Are usually played indoors. Therefore, they would definitely reduce children’s physical Activity, leading them to gain extra weight. Furthermore, when kids have too many toys, It is likely that they will take less care of them. In other words, they will probably not Learn to value them if there is always a replacement ready to play with. Consequently, They would not learn to appreciate their belongings. In conclusion, I believe that children benefit from an abundance of toys which offer them Variety, as well as teaching them more varied skills. However, it is important that they Keep an active lifestyle and are taught to value every toy.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
, ranging from simple dolls to complicated electronic gadgets like

Video games,
are provided
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
by their parents. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this is not a
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
problem


Provided
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
sufficiently
active and care for their toys.

One of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
having lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
is that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different


Games for them to play. They can choose one of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
according to their mood
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
and


Taste, and are less likely to become bored.
Besides
, they would
certainly
be able to learn a

Wider variety of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
like problem solving or organization.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
can teach
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
them


This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Different
things, which means that the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
they have, the more they are likely to

Learn.

However
, having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
could
possibly
lead to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
becoming overweight

Since
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
like video games and
Possible spelling mistake found.
LEGOs
, which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
common these days,

Are
usually
played indoors.
Therefore
, they would definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
physical

Activity, leading them to gain extra weight.
Furthermore
, when kids have too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
toys,

It is likely that they will take less care of them.
In other words
, they will
probably
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
not


Learn to value them if there is always a replacement ready to play with.
Consequently
,

They would not learn to appreciate their belongings.

In conclusion
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
benefit from an abundance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
which offer them

Variety,
as well
as teaching them more varied
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
However
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that they

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Keep
an active lifestyle and
are taught
to value every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toy
.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Speak a new language so that the world will be a new world.
Rumi

IELTS essay Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys? v. 14

Essay
  American English
19 paragraphs
258 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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