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Many people believe that modern inventions have brought more problems than the benefits. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

Many people believe that modern inventions have brought more problems than the benefits. v. 2
There are different views regarding inventions. The majority of people believes that current inventions have more disadvantages than its advantages. I completly disagree with this suggestion. To begin with, the problems of modern inventions. One of the issue is that it increases pollution in the atmosphere. In other words, the invention, such as vehicle, produces carbon emission which is dangerous for the environment. For example, in India, the summar temperature has been rised from 30 degree to 45 degree which is a huge change in the recent years due to the carbon dioxide from vehicles. Another cause of new invention is decreasing the logical thinking in human. To clarify this, the new equipment and software, such as calculator, computer and mobile phone’s application, reduce burden on human’s mind. That is why people do not need to perform calculation tasks by themselves which eventually, reduces human’s capacity of own thinking. However, there are a number of benefits from the latest inventions which increase it’s importance in one’s life. Firstly, the airplane, the best creation of humankind, helps to reduce traveling time from one country to another country. Before this invention, it was taking several months for humans to travel to a long distance but now, they can reach in 48 hours in any area of the world with the facility of international flight. Secondly, it saves time in regular work of calculation and increase the productivity. What is more, people can take quick action based on the output of the calculation and reach to the solution in the least time. For instance, calculation used in the space analysis is not possible without the latest equipment. Finally, tha gadget, such as telephone, reduces the communication time which was so high in previous time when people had to send post to communicate with their relative. Thus, it increases internal bonding between the family member even they are living at a long distance. In conclusion, whereas there are several problems with the new inventions, such as environmental damage and lowering human’s critical thinking, it can not be denied that benefits, such as less traveling time, communication time and calculation time are most crucial part in human lives these days. Hence, I believe that the new inventions have more positive sides than it’s negative sides.
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views regarding inventions. The majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believes that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
inventions have more disadvantages than its advantages. I
Possible spelling mistake found.
completly
disagree with this suggestion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the problems of modern inventions. One of the issue is that it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increases
pollution in the atmosphere.
In other words
, the invention, such as vehicle, produces carbon emission which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
for the environment.
For example
, in India, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
summar
temperature has been
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "rose", the past tense form of the verb 'rise'?
rised
from 30 degree to 45 degree which is a huge
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the recent years due to the carbon dioxide from vehicles. Another cause of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
invention is decreasing the logical thinking in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
. To clarify this, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
equipment and software, such as calculator, computer and mobile phone’s application,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduce
burden on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human’s
mind.
That is
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not need to perform
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
calculation
tasks by themselves which
eventually
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduces
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human’s
capacity of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
thinking.

However
, there are a number of benefits from the latest inventions which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
Did you mean "its" (possessive pronoun) instead of 'it's' (=it is)?
it’s
importance in one’s life.
Firstly
, the airplane, the best creation of humankind,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduce
traveling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
from one country to another country.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
this invention, it was taking several months for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
to travel to a long distance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, they can reach in 48 hours in any area of the world with the facility of international flight.
Secondly
, it saves
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in regular work of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
calculation
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
the productivity.
What is more
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can take quick action based on the output of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
calculation
and reach to the solution in the least
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
calculation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in the space analysis is not possible without the latest equipment.
Finally
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
tha
gadget, such as telephone,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduces
the communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
which was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
high in previous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
had to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
post to communicate with their relative.
Thus
, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increases
internal bonding between the family member even they are living at a long distance.

In conclusion
, whereas there are several problems with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
inventions, such as environmental damage and lowering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human’s
critical thinking, it can not
be denied
that benefits, such as less traveling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
calculation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
are
Did you mean "the most"?
most
crucial part in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
these days.
Hence
, I believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
inventions have more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
sides than it’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
sides.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Many people believe that modern inventions have brought more problems than the benefits. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
380 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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