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Most modern families have both parents working and as a result children spend less and less time with their parents. What is the reason for this? What problems can this cause? v.2

Most modern families have both parents working and as a result children spend less and less time with their parents. What is the reason for this? What problems can this cause? v. 2
In terms of two-paycheck families, it is inevitable that children spend more time by themselves. Families rely on two incomes for financial stabilities, which are able to handle children's expenditure. Even though children get the most benefits, it also loses time spending with their parents. The main reason is probably that, both parents are too busy and this causes children lack support with personal issues. Especially families who work in urban city have issues with children because of unavoidable long working hours. It affects that parents do not have time available to look after their children, which ends up with more problems. For example, the child feels abandoned since parents focus too much on their work and sometime parents might forget to correct children's conduct or give parental guidance. Therefore, some children are running wild and often play truant from school. As a result, this situation brings family argument, along with a distant between their relationship. Another problem which might cause in modern families is when children have some urgent issues, they are not helped by parents immediately. The fact that both parents are not able to take day release all the time, even though their child is sick. As a consequence, it has an impact on children's emotional, which results in feeling insolated. However, on balance, there is not all negative problems happening in modern families. In conclusion, parents who both have jobs do not have enough time to revolve around their children. This is becuase they spend the majority of time on working, which turns out many problems. Children cannot receive support from parents.
In terms of two-paycheck
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
, it is inevitable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
by themselves.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Families
rely on two incomes for financial
Possible spelling mistake found.
stabilities
, which are able to handle children's expenditure.
Even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the most benefits, it
also
loses
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
spending with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. The main reason is
probably
that, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are too busy and this causes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
lack support with personal issues.

Especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
who work in urban city have issues with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of unavoidable long working hours. It affects that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
do not have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
available to look after their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, which ends up with more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
For example
, the child feels abandoned since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
focus too much on their work and sometime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
might forget to correct children's conduct or give parental guidance.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are running wild and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
play truant from school.
As a result
, this situation brings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
argument, along with a distant between their relationship.

Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
which might cause in modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
is when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
urgent issues, they are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
immediately. The fact that both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are not able to take day release all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
,
even though
their child is sick. As a consequence, it has an impact on children's emotional, which results in feeling
Possible spelling mistake found.
insolated
.
However
, on balance, there is not all
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
happening in modern families.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
who both have jobs do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to revolve around their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. This is
Possible spelling mistake found.
becuase
they spend the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on working, which turns out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
cannot receive support from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
I love commuting between languages just like I love commuting between cultures and cities.
Elif Safak

IELTS essay Most modern families have both parents working and as a result children spend less and less time with their parents. What is the reason for this? What problems can this cause? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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