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Some parents buy a lot of toys for their children. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

Some parents buy a lot of toys for their children. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
In today' s materialistic world the children like to have several toys in their surrounding to fulfill their needs their parents buy a plethora of toys for them. As every garden has weeds as same as the toys have the merits and demerits. This essay will discuss firstly, it helps to boost the cognitive development as main advantage and secondly, it brings psychological and behavioral impacts as the foremost disadvantage, follwed by a reason conclusion. The principle advantage is that there are various kind of toys available in the market which plays an remarkable role in helping the kids to know about the colours, puzzles block buildings etc. Also there are many types of alphabetical toys. These toys enhance the ability of understanding the sequence of about what the game is demanding and what exactly it is. A prime instance, a pre-schooler kids come in contact with the vast range of toys in creches houses that has proven to be help their mental and cognitive ability. On the flipside, the toys hve some disadvantages, As we see tge gadgets are being polished and increasing enormously which also known as the part of kids games because they emphasized on these videogames throughout the entire day which leds to negative ramifications and parents try to stop them playing with these games and makes children behaviour too aggressive and also reflets their psychological level. In conclusion, the toys are the first preference of the kids and have many negative impacts. while doing selection of toys parents must ensure that their children must not get into it.
In
Possible spelling mistake found.
today&
#039; s materialistic world the children like to have several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
in their surrounding to fulfill their needs their parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a plethora of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
for them. As every garden has weeds as same as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
have the merits and demerits. This essay will discuss
firstly
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to boost the cognitive development as main advantage and
secondly
, it brings psychological and behavioral impacts as the foremost disadvantage,
Possible spelling mistake found.
follwed
by a reason conclusion.

The
Did you mean "principal" (=main)?
principle
advantage is that there are various
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "kinds"?
kind
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
available in the market which plays
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
remarkable role in helping the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to know about the
Possible spelling mistake. 'colours' is British English.
colours
, puzzles block buildings etc.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
types of alphabetical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
enhance the ability of understanding the sequence of about what the game is demanding and what exactly it is. A prime instance, a
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre-schooler
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
in contact with the vast range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
in
'creches' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "crèches"
creches
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
that has proven to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their mental and cognitive ability.

On the
Possible spelling mistake found.
flipside
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
Possible spelling mistake found.
hve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages, As we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
Possible spelling mistake found.
tge
gadgets are
being polished
and increasing
enormously
which
also
known as the part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
games
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they emphasized on these
Possible spelling mistake found.
videogames
throughout the entire day which
Possible spelling mistake found.
leds
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
ramifications and parents try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
them playing with these games and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
children
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
too aggressive and
also
Possible spelling mistake found.
reflets
their psychological level.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
are the
first
preference of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
and have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
while
doing selection of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
ensure that their children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into it.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17Mistakes
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Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Some parents buy a lot of toys for their children. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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