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Parents often buy their children many toys. What are the advantages and disadvantages of children having a large number of toys? v.1

Parents often buy their children many toys. What are the advantages and disadvantages of children having a large number of toys? v. 1
Nowadays market has countless toys for children of all age groups ranging from two months to adulthood. Many parents are fond of buying numerous toys for their kids while others disapprove of this act. The following paragraphs will present pros as well as cons of having loads of toys. There are multifarious merits of buying toys, but the main benefit is that they serve an educational purpose. Many toys are designed to teach children alphabets and numbers at an early age. Furthermore, toys can assist kids to develop skills of brainstorming and other enlightening concepts. Consequently, children who play with educational toys can become smarter than their peers. For example, puzzles guide children to focus and solve them efficiently. Similarly, Scrabble helps to improve vocabulary and word generation ideas. Clearly, many toys instil learning methods using diverse ways. Despite the above mentioned positive arguments, there are some disadvantages of buying too many toys. The biggest problem is the wastage of money used to purchase toys, as children’s desire for toys will never cease. Furthermore, these toys are useless after a certain age and children would want new ones when they see other kids playing with different toys. As a result, parents are left with no choice but fulfilling their children needs, so that kids behave properly. Obviously, children are spoiled when they have too many toys to play with. To recapitulate, playing with toys certainly benefit children because it enables them to learn new things and acquire new skills. However, buying plentiful toys for children will not help them understand the value of money.
Nowadays market has countless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
of all age groups ranging from two months to adulthood.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
parents are fond of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
while others disapprove of this act. The following paragraphs will present pros
as well
as cons of having loads of toys.

There are multifarious merits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the main benefit is that they serve an educational purpose.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
are designed
to teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
alphabets and numbers at an early age.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
can assist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to develop
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of brainstorming and other enlightening concepts.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who play with educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
can become smarter than their peers.
For example
, puzzles guide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to focus and solve them
efficiently
.
Similarly
, Scrabble
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
vocabulary and word generation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
.
Clearly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
Possible spelling mistake. 'instil' is British English.
instil learning
methods using diverse ways.

Despite the above mentioned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
arguments, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
. The biggest problem is the wastage of money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
desire for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
will never cease.
Furthermore
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
are useless after a certain age and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would want new ones when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
playing with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
.
As a result
, parents are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
with no choice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
fulfilling their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
needs,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
behave
properly
.
Obviously
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are spoiled
when they have too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
to play with.

To recapitulate, playing with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
certainly
benefit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it enables them to learn new things and acquire new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
plentiful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them understand the value of money.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Parents often buy their children many toys. What are the advantages and disadvantages of children having a large number of toys? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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