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Some parents believe that reading books for entertainment is a waste of time for children and they think that their children should only read serious educational books What is your opinion v.2

Some parents believe that reading books for entertainment is a waste of time for children and they think that their children should only read serious educational books What is your opinion v. 2
Nowadays, in our country’s crime rate is increasing day by day. Some kind of case is common in all our the world. As an example, in Brazil money heist is very popular. Moreover, in that type of country robbery is very common. Many people believed that there should be fixed discipline for each number of felony without deciding or analysing the situation. I tend to think that sanction should be based on circumstances of individual scandal. Firstly, I would agree that punishment is necessary for each violation. In some country like Saudi Arabia there is same punishment for law of infraction. Furthermore, they do not think about the situation of crime. Due to it the corruption rate the lowest in this country. In Saudi Arabia person gets fixed punishment, whether he steals a Bmw car or an apple. In my point of view, it is better for the government to save their money. Judgment is getting quickly by the jury member. We can also save lots of time. In addition, because of that, another small crime rate is going to decrease. That is happening in the United States. On the other hand, my argument against the favour of that. I tend to believe that different type of punishment is essential for various crimes. In some case criminal is not guilty, but he is going to punish by the government. Furthermore, some criminal is a mental patient also. We have to think based on the circumstances of that. Because of that innocent does not get punished. However, such type of crime like murder, sexual harassment for that fixed type punishment is important. That type of crime quick decision is necessary. To sum up, the criminal should be punished based on the situation and the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account. Having said that, fix punishment is significant for such type of crime like rape and others.
Nowadays, in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate is increasing day by day.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
kind of case is common in all our the world. As an example, in Brazil money heist is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
popular.
Moreover
, in that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
type
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
robbery is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
common.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believed that there should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
discipline for each number of felony without deciding or
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
the situation. I tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that sanction should
be based
on circumstances of individual scandal.

Firstly
, I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
is necessary for each violation. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean "countries"?
country
like Saudi Arabia there is same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
for law of infraction.
Furthermore
, they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about the situation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. Due to it the corruption rate the lowest in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. In Saudi Arabia person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
, whether he steals a
Possible spelling mistake found.
Bmw
car or an apple. In my point of view, it is better for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to save their money. Judgment is getting
quickly
by the jury member. We can
also
save lots of time.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of that, another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate is going to decrease.
That is
happening in the United States.

On the other hand
, my argument against the
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of that. I tend to believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
type
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
is essential for various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
case criminal is not guilty,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he is going to punish by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
criminal is a mental patient
also
. We
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
based on the circumstances of that.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
of that innocent does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
punished.

However
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
type
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
like murder, sexual harassment for that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
type
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. That
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
type
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
quick decision is necessary.

To sum up, the criminal should
be punished
based on the situation and the motivation for committing it, should always
be taken
into account. Having said that,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
is significant for such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
type
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
like rape
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
I am always sorry when any language is lost, because languages are the pedigrees of nations.
Samuel Johnson

IELTS essay Some parents believe that reading books for entertainment is a waste of time for children and they think that their children should only read serious educational books What is your opinion v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
319 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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