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Many museums charge for admission ehile others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweighvthe advantages? v.1

Many museums charge for admission ehile others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweighvthe advantages? v. 1
The 20th century has witnessed some phenomena such as, globalization, industrial revolution and the changes that these have brought in are beyond our wildest expectations. Globalization has made the world as one virtual nation by dissolving the physical boundaries, whereas the industrial revolution has allowed companies to travel across the globe for the most suitable location, thereby the multinational companies were born. These organizations have a plethora of benefits as well as drawbacks, which will be outlined in the essay. The most prominent benefit of global companies is that they have generated employment even in underdeveloped countries. In other words, these companies prefer a country where they can procure the cheapest and the best labour along with the raw materials, this in turn, generates taxes for the poor country and job opportunities for the local employees, so the living standard of the provincial improves. Zara a top leading fashion brand, for instance, has set up a textile unit in Bangladesh, considering the cheap cotton and skilled manpower for weaving clothes. Moreover, these global companies as a part of corporate social responsibility set up schools in the rustic, consequently, this bolsters the enhancement of the education level in a province. On the other hand, one of the obvious disadvantages of the multinational companies is that the small scale local companies are destroyed, because they cannot compete with the big organizations. Most of these small units engage in niche traditional artwork, as a result, the local culture is destroyed and cannot be preserved for upcoming generations. Furthermore, since the main motive of the companies is to earn enormous profits, so they are least bothered about environmental degradation. To conclude, global organizations have raised the standard of the world by providing employment and education, however they should respect the local rituals and should consider these countries as their motherland.
The 20th century has witnessed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
phenomena such as, globalization, industrial revolution and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
that these have brought in are beyond our wildest expectations. Globalization has made the world as one virtual nation by dissolving the physical boundaries, whereas the industrial revolution has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
to travel across the globe for the most suitable location, thereby the multinational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
were born
. These organizations have a plethora of benefits
as well
as drawbacks, which will
be outlined
in the essay.

The most prominent benefit of global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
is that they have generated employment even in underdeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
In other words
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
prefer a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
where they can procure the cheapest and the best
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
along with the raw materials, this in turn, generates taxes for the poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and job opportunities for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
employees,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the living standard of the provincial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
. Zara a top leading fashion brand,
for instance
, has set up a textile unit in Bangladesh, considering the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
cotton and skilled manpower for weaving clothes.
Moreover
, these global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
as a part of corporate social responsibility set up schools in the rustic,
consequently
, this bolsters the enhancement of the education level in a province.

On the other hand
, one of the obvious disadvantages of the multinational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
is that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
scale
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they cannot compete with the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
organizations. Most of these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
units engage in niche traditional artwork,
as a result
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
culture is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
and cannot
be preserved
for upcoming generations.
Furthermore
, since the main motive of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
is to earn enormous profits,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they are least bothered about environmental degradation.

To conclude
, global organizations have raised the standard of the world by providing employment and education,
however
they should respect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
rituals and should consider these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
as their motherland.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Many museums charge for admission ehile others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweighvthe advantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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