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Some parents believe that children should not waste time by reading entertainment books, but instead they should spend time to read educational books only. What is your opinion about this? v.2

Some parents believe that children should not waste time by reading entertainment books, but instead they should spend time to read educational books only. What is your opinion about this? v. 2
It is an undeniable fact that many parents consider reading of novels, story books and comics as waste of time. Moreover, they argue that adolescents need to be inculcated in reading their curriculum subjects. In my opinion, I completely disagree with this statement. In this essay, I shall put in my view and support my opinion. These days, education became a commercial slot; however, children mostly spend time in school, reading their syllabus. Many parents want their children to spend most of their time on school books because, they feel irrelevant books might deviate them from scoring high. Due to hectic schedule and burden of exams, assignments make their tender minds pressurized. Hence, there will be lack of metal growth to think innovative ideas. Innumerable instances show that spending more time only on reading educational books hinder the progress. In a rush of scoring high grades in schooling parents force children to study all the time without giving them at least time for in other activities. Every parent wants their kids to perform better in today’s cut-throat educational competition, which makes their mind stubborn. For instance, in many countries 7 out of 10 parents opt their children to concentrate on class books. On the other hand, if there are recreation activities like reading kid’s novels, stories which entertain them and make them feel more refreshed. They feel elated by and their thought process will be expeditious. Further, it accentuates their creativity; to exemplify, in recent studies it is proven that the teenagers who spare time in reading entertainment books apart from their subjects are being intensely knowledgeable. In conclusion, despite of parents considers entertainment books a time waste and bad choice for children, they should know the fact that improves development and growth in career. Finally, I believe that parents should encourage and allow to read their choice of books which can boost their potential.
It is an undeniable fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
of novels, story
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
and comics as waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Moreover
, they argue that adolescents need to
be inculcated
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
their curriculum subjects. In my opinion, I completely disagree with this statement. In this essay, I shall put in my view and support my opinion.

These days, education became a commercial slot;
however
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
mostly
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in school,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
their syllabus.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
want their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to spend most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, they feel irrelevant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
might deviate them from scoring high. Due to hectic schedule and burden of exams, assignments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their tender minds pressurized.
Hence
, there will be lack of metal growth to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
innovative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
.

Innumerable instances
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that spending more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
hinder the progress. In a rush of scoring high grades in schooling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
force
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to study all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
without giving them at least
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for in other activities. Every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
wants their kids to perform better in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
-throat educational competition, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
their mind stubborn.
For instance
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries 7 out of 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
opt their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to concentrate on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
books.

On the other hand
, if there are recreation activities like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
kid’s novels, stories which entertain them and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them feel more refreshed. They feel elated by and their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
process will be expeditious.
Further
, it accentuates their creativity; to exemplify, in recent studies it
is proven
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
who spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
entertainment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
apart from their subjects are being
intensely
knowledgeable.

In conclusion
,
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
considers entertainment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
waste and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
choice for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, they should know the fact that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
development and growth in career.
Finally
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should encourage and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
to read their choice of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
which can boost their potential.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some parents believe that children should not waste time by reading entertainment books, but instead they should spend time to read educational books only. What is your opinion about this? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
315 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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