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Some parents believe that children in their leisure should be involved in educational activities. While others believe it adds to much pressure on children. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.3

Some parents believe that children in their leisure should be involved in educational activities. While others believe it adds to much pressure on children. v. 3
In modern society, parents hold different views regarding how their children spend their leisure time. While many of them are of the opinion that teens ought to spend their free time engaging in activities related to education, I feel this kind of behaviour improves a child’s tension. On the one hand, some think teenagers should do educational stuff in their spare time. The reason behind this is parents expect their children to get good grades in their semester examinations. To gain such grades, teenagers need to dedicate their free time to study and required to do lots of hard work. A good example of this is studying science and solving problems related to its lead to score well in science. Also, unlike other recreational activities, learning educational things develop one’s intellectual skills. To exemplify, solving mathematical problems can improve children’s logical thinking, reasoning, and analytical thinking. Coming to the other side, I support those who think doing educational activities in one’s leisure time would reduce his or her happiness. This is because educational books involve lots of technical terms, and reading such books would result in dissatisfaction and tension. In addition, school days are long enough, and young children may feel tired of further studies in their vacations. For instance, after studying eight hours in school, a child may find it hard to focus on studies again during his time off. This development often leads to stress and poor results in the examination. In conclusion, although some parents believe that their youngsters should focus on things related to education during their spare time, it is my firm belief that this trend would increase a child’s stress.
In modern society, parents hold
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views regarding how their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them are of the opinion that teens ought to spend their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
engaging in activities related to education, I feel this kind of
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
a child’s tension.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
should do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
stuff in their spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. The reason behind this is parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
grades in their semester examinations. To gain such grades,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
need to dedicate their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to study and required to do lots of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example of this is studying science and solving problems related to its lead to score well in science.
Also
, unlike other recreational activities, learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
things develop one’s intellectual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. To exemplify, solving mathematical problems can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
logical thinking, reasoning, and analytical thinking.

Coming to the other side, I support those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
activities in one’s leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
happiness. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
books involve lots of technical terms, and reading such books would result in dissatisfaction and tension.
In addition
, school days are long
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
, and young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may feel tired of
further
studies in their vacations.
For instance
, after studying eight hours in school, a child may find it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to focus on studies again during his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
off. This development
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
leads to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and poor results in the examination.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parents believe that their youngsters should focus on things related to education during their spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, it is my firm belief that this trend would increase a child’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some parents believe that children in their leisure should be involved in educational activities. While others believe it adds to much pressure on children. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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