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Some parents believe that children in their leisure should be involved in educational activities. While others believe it adds to much pressure on children. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.5

Some parents believe that children in their leisure should be involved in educational activities. While others believe it adds to much pressure on children. v. 5
These days due to the spread of many activities, people got confused which leisure their children should be involved in, since some are educational activities and other are for fun and might put their kid’s life into a risk. So, some people believe that child should be interest more in educational activities, while another part of people are against and think that it adds too much load on children. A number of parents prefer their children to concentrate on educational activities, because they think it will help them in their future life and during their studies. First, such activities will assist the one to store and know more information, where their brain will stay active and concentrate on important things that will make their life better. Second, educational activities for young ages is preferable, where it keep them away from violence, assist them on how to be sneaky in public. And act smart to avoid any difficulties in handling issues. For example, in my family, they prefer our nephew to do educational activities, and for them this will help him to learn and talk and early age. In my opinion, I don’t’ think that educational activities are the main leisure to educate the person about life and teach him quickly. On the other hand, several people believe that leisure should be something that release stress and keep the children a little bit away from education pressure. First, parents think that their kid is under pressure most of the time, because of learning more than 8 hours a day between home tasks and school, therefore they must do some activities like soccer or play video games, to reduce they study load and stress. Second, children should be more involved in society, to understand the life from different angles. For example, in schools these days, many leisure subjects related to life matters are taught for students, to help them how to act in a good way. From my point of view, I believe that educational activities aren’t the only leisure that will change the person and teach him how to be. In conclusion, leisure’s for some people should be educational, others think the opposite since it adds to much pressure on children. In my opinion, educational activities playa role in life, but in many cases is a bog load on the lid’s and may keep them away from society and they might prefer to stay alone.
These days due to the spread of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
confused which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be involved
in, since
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and other are for fun and might put their kid’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
into a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that child should be interest more in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, while another part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are against and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
adds
too much load on children.

A number of parents prefer their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to concentrate on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in their future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and during their studies.
First
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
will assist the one to store and know more information, where their brain will stay active and concentrate on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
things that will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
better. Second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
for young ages is preferable, where it
Did you mean "keeps"?
keep
them away from violence, assist them on how to be sneaky in public. And act smart to avoid any difficulties in handling issues.
For example
, in my family, they prefer our nephew to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, and for them this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
him to learn and talk and early age. In my opinion, I don’t’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
to educate the person about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and teach him
quickly
.

On the other hand
, several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
should be something that release
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
a
Reduce redundancy by using "little" or "bit".
little bit
away from education pressure.
First
, parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that their kid is under pressure most of the time,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of learning more than 8 hours a day between home tasks and school,
therefore
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
like soccer or play video games, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
they study load and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. Second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be more involved in society, to understand the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
angles.
For example
, in schools these days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
subjects related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
matters
are taught
for students, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them how to act in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way. From my point of view, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
aren’t the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
that will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the person and teach him how to be.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure’s
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
, others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
the opposite since it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
adds
Did you mean "too"?
to
much pressure on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
Possible spelling mistake found.
playa
role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases is a bog load on the lid’s and may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them away from
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
society and
they might prefer to stay alone.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
48Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some parents believe that children in their leisure should be involved in educational activities. While others believe it adds to much pressure on children. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
404 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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