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Some parents are worried about the increasing level of violence in TV, videos games & other types of entertainment for children’s leisure. How does this affect children? How do you think problem can be tackled? v.1

Some parents are worried about the increasing level of violence in TV, videos games & other types of entertainment for children’s leisure. How does this affect children? How do you think problem can be tackled? v. 1
The effect of violence in children's entertainment materials is making parents worried about its effect on them. I think it adversely impacts a child's psychology and increases the chance of having violent tendencies among them. To tackle the problem children should be encouraged to take part in better alternatives such as sports and arts. Firstly, children who are exposed to violent content from an early age can start to develop a violent frame of mind and start to consider violence as a means to their problems. This can lead to a lack of empathy for their peer as well. Most importantly, their violent tendency may manifest in real-life action as they grow up and even can affect how they behave with their own children as they themselves become parents. Engaging in sports not only keeps them physically fit but also makes them mentally strong. Especially group sports such as cricket or football encourages teamwork and encourages brotherhood and empathy. Even non-physical games such as chess help improve memory and concentration among children and encourage critical thinking. Children who are not into physical activity can also take up art to keep themselves busy in their leisure time. Activities such as painting, singing or debating also help children improve their soft skills and have a positive frame of mind. To conclude, I believe parents should take more notice of how their children pass their leisure time avoiding future complications in their behaviour. Managing their source of entertainment and encouraging a healthier alternative can help them give their children a more positive outlook on life.
The effect of violence in children's entertainment materials is making parents worried about its effect on them. I
think
it
adversely
impacts a child's psychology and increases the chance of having
violent
tendencies among them. To tackle the problem
children
should
be encouraged
to
take part
in better alternatives such as sports and arts.

Firstly
,
children
who
are exposed
to
violent
content from an early age can
start
to develop a
violent
frame of mind and
start
to consider violence as a means to their problems. This can lead to a lack of empathy for their peer
as well
. Most
importantly
, their
violent
tendency may manifest in real-life action as they grow up and even can affect how they behave with their
own
children
as they themselves become parents.

Engaging in sports not
only
keeps
them
physically
fit
but
also
makes
them mentally strong.
Especially
group sports such as cricket or football encourages teamwork and encourages brotherhood and empathy. Even non-physical games such as chess
help
improve
memory and concentration among
children
and encourage critical thinking.

Children who are not into physical activity can
also
take up art to
keep
themselves busy in their leisure time. Activities such as painting, singing or debating
also
help
children
improve
their soft
skills
and have a
positive
frame of mind.

To conclude
, I believe parents should take more notice of how their
children
pass their leisure time avoiding future complications in their
behaviour
. Managing their source of entertainment and encouraging a healthier alternative can
help
them give their
children
a more
positive
outlook on life.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some parents are worried about the increasing level of violence in TV, videos games & other types of entertainment for children’s leisure. How does this affect children? How do you think problem can be tackled? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
262 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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