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Some parents are worried about the increasing level of violence in TV video games and other types of entertainment for children s leisure How does this affect children How do you think this problem can be tackled v.3

Some parents are worried about the increasing level of violence in TV video games and other types of entertainment for children s leisure How does this affect children How do you think this problem can be tackled v. 3
In contemporary era every individual is wishing to get mobile phones or other electronic gadgets in very young age to play and watch different fighting, shooting games and programs as well as movies. This situation have created a bugbear for parents due to increase figure of violence of free time fun activities. This essay will discuss how it puts unfavorable impacts on the children along with corrective measures; followed by a reasoned conclusion. It is worth considering, that children nowadays are more into electronic entertainment and, they have tremendous opportunities and easy access to free games and movies through internet. This have changed the mentality of an adolescent because they start watching crimes movies and fire shooting games with immature brain which make them more violence because they are more attached with such violated activates, these programs indirectly install violation in their brains. For instance, games like pub g which are more famous around the globe which is played by every teenager where they learn shooting the opponent for the sake of benefits. Moreover, when kids are unable to do hard tasks so, they start thinking violently to achieve that goals. Coming to the solution part, I think parents should strictly take the responsibility of their kids and they should have check and balance on their off springs that in which types of activities they are involved. Furthermore, they should focus on outdoor activities like football, cricket basketball and etc rather than indoor. They will be both physically and mentally active as well as they will learn leader ship and communication skills, will meet new friends and they will be get sense to tackling harsh tasks. In conclusion, we cannot stop our young ones from the internet nor they will accept that they should be kept from online activities but we can overcome up to some extent.
In contemporary era every individual
The verb 'wishing' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
is wishing
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
mobile phones or other electronic gadgets in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young age to play and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
fighting, shooting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and programs
as well
as movies.
The verb 'have' is plural. Did you mean: "This situation has"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
This situation have
created a bugbear for parents due to increase figure of violence of free time fun
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. This essay will discuss how it puts unfavorable impacts on the children along with corrective measures; followed by a reasoned conclusion.

It is worth considering, that children nowadays are more into electronic entertainment and, they have tremendous opportunities and easy access to free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and movies through internet.
The verb 'have' is plural. Did you mean: "This has"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
This have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the mentality of an adolescent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
watching crimes movies and fire shooting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
with immature brain which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them more violence
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are more attached with such violated activates, these programs
indirectly
install violation in their brains.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
like pub g which are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
around the globe which
is played
by every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
where they learn shooting the opponent for the sake of benefits.
Moreover
, when kids are unable to do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
tasks
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
thinking
violently
to achieve that goals.

Coming to the solution part, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
parents should
strictly
take the responsibility of their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
kids and
they should have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
and balance on their off springs that in which types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
they
are involved
.
Furthermore
, they should focus on outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
like football, cricket basketball
Write the name of the item after 'and' or use only "etc".
and etc
rather
than indoor. They will be both
physically
and mentally active
as well
as they will learn leader ship and communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
new
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
friends and
they will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
sense to tackling harsh tasks.

In conclusion
, we cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
our young ones from the
Use a comma before 'nor' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
internet nor
they will accept that they should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
from online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we can overcome up to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
The conquest of learning is achieved through the knowledge of languages.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Some parents are worried about the increasing level of violence in TV video games and other types of entertainment for children s leisure How does this affect children How do you think this problem can be tackled v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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