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Some parents and teachers think that children s behavior be strictly controlled While some think that children should be free to behave Discuss both views and give your opinion v.1

Some parents and teachers think that children s behavior be strictly controlled While some think that children should be free to behave 1
Different schools of thought exist among teachers and parents about how children’s behaviour should be controlled. While some believe that there should be strict control, others are more lenient on the control. There are important reasons behind both these thoughts. Firstly, children do not have enough knowledge and awareness about their surroundings and do not anticipate and recognize the dangers that may ensue. Moreover, they are not capable of facing or handling such incident upon the occurrence of such unfortunate event. Secondly, as children grow up they are expected to have a certain accepted level of behaviour with kindness, respect, sympathy and decency. As not all children are alike, sometimes parents and teachers may have to resort to strict actions in order to discipline the child and carve a noble human being out of him or her. Therefore, it is reasonable for some people to think that strict control of behavior is important to keep them out of danger as well as to discipline and teach certain lessons of life. On the contrary, children are free thinkers and they have ample energy and curiosity that needs nurturing by letting them explore and experience the world outside without restrictions for them to learn the good, the bad and the ugly by and within themselves. For that to happen, they need more freedom to do and discover things on their own. But, that must be done with proper guidance and supervision with great care and attention. There are enough studies done world over to support that evidence. In conclusion, it is important to note that each child is unique in their knowledge, behaviour and attitudes, and the level of supervision and guidance they need in order to become a good human being varies accordingly. There is no “one way” to teach and discipline children. It must be done with great care and insight on to that particular child’s mentality and capability and appropriately to the particular situation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Different
schools of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
exist among teachers and parents about how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
should
be controlled
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that there should be strict control, others are more lenient on the control. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reasons behind both these thoughts.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
knowledge and awareness about their surroundings and do not anticipate and recognize the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
that may ensue.
Moreover
, they are not capable of facing or handling such incident upon the occurrence of such unfortunate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
.
Secondly
, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
grow up they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to have a certain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
level of
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
with kindness, respect, sympathy and decency. As not all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are alike,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
parents and teachers may
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
resort to strict actions in order to discipline the child and carve a noble human being out of him or her.
Therefore
, it is reasonable for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that strict control of behavior is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them out of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
as well
as to discipline and teach certain lessons of life.

On the contrary
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are free
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
thinkers and
they have ample energy and curiosity that needs nurturing by letting them explore and experience the world outside without restrictions for them to learn the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
and the ugly by and within themselves. For that to happen, they need more freedom to do and discover things on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be done
with proper guidance and supervision with great care and attention. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
studies done world over to support that evidence.

In conclusion
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to note that each child is unique in their knowledge,
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and attitudes, and the level of supervision and guidance they need in order to become a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
human being varies
accordingly
. There is no “one way” to teach and discipline
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be done
with great care and insight on to that particular child’s mentality and capability and
appropriately
to the particular situation.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some parents and teachers think that children s behavior be strictly controlled While some think that children should be free to behave 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
325 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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