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Some organization and company older people are the leader, but some say younger people should be the leader. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some organization and company older people are the leader, but some say younger people should be the leader. v. 1
A leader must be proactive, wise and knowledgable be it an older or younger. Some people say that older people are better compared to youngsters but some against this view. In my contention, this matter needs to be analyzed deeply, so this essay discusses both views and will arrive at a logical conclusion at the end. To begin with, elderly leaders have proved their mettle by having an expertise and global perspective in executing the herculean task. For example, the experience is something which is incomparable and it comes with exposure and time, with the help of this, they can foresee the predicament and can avoid quandary. While older people assimilate information through exposure and experience, younger people lack this quality. Even though most of the youngsters are smart and prudent, they are not capable of taking the best and most suitable solution for a problem only because of less experience. To embark on, if young leaders are ready to keep their ego aside and take advise from elders in crucial situations, they will also become the best leader. For instance, in may multinational companies the advisory board members will be appointed only on the basis of their time tested experience. This indeed points out the importance of older people in an organization. Although the older generation is sometimes reluctant to accept change and new experiments, most of them succeed in their field though perseverance and expertise. After analysing the various view points it can be stated that, age is just a number and what matter is grey matter. Most importantly contentment and perseverance will help to take proactive steps, all these qualities are essential to make a good leader.
A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leader
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be proactive, wise and
Possible spelling mistake found.
knowledgable
be it an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
or younger.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are better compared to youngsters
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
against this view. In my contention, this matter needs to
be analyzed
deeply
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
this essay discusses both views and will arrive at a logical conclusion at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leaders
have proved their mettle by having an expertise and global perspective in executing the
Possible incorrect capitalization. Some adjectives that are derived from proper nouns can have both an initial capital letter and an initial lower case letter. If there is a close association with the proper noun, use "Herculean".
herculean
task.
For example
, the experience is something which is incomparable and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with exposure and time, with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of this, they can foresee the predicament and can avoid quandary. While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
assimilate information through exposure and experience, younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
lack this quality.
Even though
most of the youngsters are smart and prudent, they are not capable of taking the best and most suitable solution for a problem
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of less experience.

To embark on, if young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leaders
are ready to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their ego aside and take advise from elders in crucial situations, they will
also
become the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leader
.
For instance
, in
The month "May" needs to be capitalized.
may
multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
the advisory board members will
be appointed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on the basis of their time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tested
experience. This
indeed
points out the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in an organization. Although the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
generation is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
reluctant to accept
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
and new experiments, most of them succeed in their field though perseverance and expertise.

After
Do not mix variants of the same word ('analyse' and 'analyze') within a single text.
analysing
the various view points it can
be stated
that, age is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a number and what matter is
Possible spelling mistake. 'grey' is British English.
grey
matter. Most
importantly
contentment and perseverance will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to take proactive steps, all these qualities are essential to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leader
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some organization and company older people are the leader, but some say younger people should be the leader. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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