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Some organisations believe that their employees should dress smartly. Others value quality of work above appearance. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.12

Some organisations believe that their employees should dress smartly. Others value quality of work above appearance. v. 12
While some companies would argue that employees should be formally dressed while working, other organizations would prefer the quality of goods and services to speak for the company. In my own opinion, the outside look of an organization is more important than just the quality of the work. On one hand, good quality products help in creating loyalty from the customers. It is considered as one of the selling point of goods and services. When appearances are not being considered but rather the type of services the organization can offer, it results to the customers relating more freely to the employees informally and express their concerns about a particular service, thus tearing down the barrier brought about by wearing a suit. A person can quickly share their truest thoughts about the goods and services which is an advantage for the organization therefore leaving room for improvement. On the other hand, appearances contribute considerably towards first impressions about the organization. When the employees are dressed formally it highlights their professionalism. More importantly, it shows that they mean to do business and also they have a higher chance of being considered for a tender because of the way they would have presented themselves. Relatively, an interview where appearance gives the interviewer an impression of how professional the interviewee is and how serious about the job they are. In conclusion, organizations have different opinions about appearances and the quality of work. Good quality work in a more informal outlook can help an organization get the best feedback for product improvement, whilst formal outlook can strongly suggest professionalism. I still believe that appearances are more important.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
would argue that employees should be
formally
dressed while working, other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
would prefer the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
to speak for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. In my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion, the outside look of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
of the work.

On one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
products
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in creating loyalty from the customers. It
is considered
as one of the selling point of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appearances
are not
being considered
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
rather
the type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
can offer, it results to the customers relating more
freely
to the employees
informally
and express their concerns about a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
,
thus
tearing down the barrier brought about by wearing a suit. A person can
quickly
share their truest thoughts about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
which is an advantage for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
therefore
leaving room for improvement.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appearances
contribute
considerably
towards
first
impressions about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
.
“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
the employees
are dressed
formally
it highlights their professionalism. More
importantly
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that they mean to do business and
also
they have a higher chance of
being considered
for a tender
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the way they would have presented themselves.
Relatively
, an interview where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appearance
gives the interviewer an impression of how professional the interviewee is and how serious about the job they are.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opinions about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appearances
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
of work.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
work in a more informal outlook can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the best feedback for product improvement, whilst formal outlook can
strongly
suggest professionalism. I
still
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appearances
are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Some organisations believe that their employees should dress smartly. Others value quality of work above appearance. v. 12

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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