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Some people believe that the death penalty can reduce crimes. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people believe that the death penalty can reduce crimes. v. 1
The argument, over whether capital punishment aids in restricting the crime rate or not, have not been settled yet. I completely agree with this notion not only because it saves society from those offenders who have completed their sentences, and terminate convict’s network with the outer world, but also gives a moral lesson to others. This essay will explore how these factors justify the death sentence as a way to control crime. Firstly, some offenders commits crimes after completing their sentences due to which the crime rate remains stagnant. This is to say, ex-convicts are unable to secure a better place in the society after leaving jail, and often get back to their criminal world because of the lack of effective rehabilitation system. If the death penalty were common, it would help to overcome the crime rate. Take an example of Abu Ramal, a Yemen rebel, who was the sole reason for igniting a civil war in the country after getting exonerated by the government. Thus, hanging to death is one a measure to control offences. Secondly, terrorists have a strong communication network with their gang, even from behind the bars. As some corrupt officials allow incarcerated criminals to operate their network from jail. For example, in Afghanistan, the country head of Al-Qaida was involved in orchestrating many terrorist activities in Kabul from jail. Hence, sentencing these prisoners a capital punishment helps in breaking the connection between criminals which ultimately reduces the crime rate. Finally, in order to curb the crime rate, capital punishment can be used as a tool to give a lesson to others to refrain themselves from such activities and abide by the law. Therefore, the fear of death in public is a must to control crime. To sum up, people may vary in their opinions; however, I agree that the death penalty is fully justified in terms of decreasing the crime rate by giving a moral lesson to the public, control re-offending and breaking the criminal network.
The argument, over whether capital punishment aids in restricting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
or not, have not
been settled
yet
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this notion not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it saves society from those offenders who have completed their sentences, and terminate convict’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
network
with the outer world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
gives a moral lesson to others. This essay will explore how these factors justify the death sentence as a way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
control
crime.

Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
offenders commits
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
after completing their sentences due to which the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
remains stagnant. This is to say, ex-convicts are unable to secure a better place in the society after leaving jail, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
back to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the lack of effective rehabilitation system. If the death penalty were common, it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to overcome the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
. Take an example of Abu
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ramal
, a Yemen rebel, who was the sole reason for igniting a civil war in the country after getting exonerated by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
Thus
, hanging to death is one a measure to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
control
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
.

Secondly
, terrorists have a strong communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
network
with their gang, even from behind the bars.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
corrupt officials
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
incarcerated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
to operate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
network
from jail.
For example
, in Afghanistan, the country head of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Al-Qaida
was involved
in orchestrating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
terrorist activities in Kabul from jail.
Hence
, sentencing these prisoners a capital punishment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in breaking the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
connection between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
which
ultimately
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate.

Finally
, in order to curb the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
, capital punishment can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as a tool to give a lesson to others to refrain themselves from such activities and abide by the law.
Therefore
, the fear of death in public is a
After 'must', the verb is used without 'to'. Probably, you should use "must" or "have to" here.
must to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
control
crime.

To sum up,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may vary in their opinions;
however
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the death penalty is
fully
justified in terms of decreasing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
by giving a moral lesson to the public,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
control
re-offending and breaking the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
network
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that the death penalty can reduce crimes. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
331 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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