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Some of the methods used in advertising are unethical and unacceptable in today’s society. v.25

Some of the methods used in advertising are unethical and unacceptable in today’s society. v. 25
Today's significant development of information technology facilitates industries to advertise their products and services widely and in a more variety of platforms which leads advertising activity to be uncontrollable. Furthermore, this brings the companies to make advertisements intensively by eliminating code of conduct causing the existence of unethical and unacceptable advertisements in today's society. A large number of uneducated commercials nowadays force parents to be more aware of their children because it can affect their children's development. For instance, cigarette ads in TV channels purposed for over-17-year-old citizens can be consumed by underage people (children and teenagers). We do not realise that this circumstance can stimulate children's curiosity to smoke, consequently, we often find underage smokers.   Apart from targeting teenagers, advertisers often give fabricated information and mislead adults. This has a huge negative impact on our society- while the product manufacturers amass a large fortune, which costs huge hard-earned money of public. On the other hand, it has been common in today's advertising when enterprises advertise their product, they make an advert containing pornographic content. For example, the “Segar dingin susu soda” advertisement, a drinking advertisement gives an unethical impression by showing a sensual style of the artist played by Julia Perez wearing super-sexy clothes. This condition is not acceptable and unreasonable because it can trigger the watcher’s desire and is not in line with the product advertised. Advertisements are meant to describe the advantages and outstanding features of a product or service while most of the advertisements shown on TV and the internet are highly deceptive and contain sexually explicit materials. These should be controlled by any means or the society would get affected the slow poisoning of negative and unsuitable advertisement virus. To sum up, it is obvious that most of today's advertisements are not acceptable for the society referring to a large number of unethical adverts which are often found these days. Hence, it should be government's responsibility to prevent this condition by giving a strict rule of this kind of activities.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Today's
significant development of information technology facilitates industries to advertise their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and services
widely
and in a more variety of platforms which leads advertising activity to be uncontrollable.
Furthermore
, this brings the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
intensively
by eliminating code of conduct causing the existence of unethical and unacceptable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today's
society.

Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
A large number of
uneducated commercials nowadays force parents to be more aware of their children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it can affect their children's development.
For instance
, cigarette ads in TV channels purposed for over-17-year-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
citizens can
be consumed
by underage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
(children and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
). We do not
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
that this circumstance can stimulate children's curiosity to smoke,
consequently
, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
find underage smokers.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Apart from targeting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
, advertisers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
give fabricated information and mislead adults. This has a huge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on our society- while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
manufacturers amass a large fortune, which costs huge
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-earned money of public.

On the other hand
, it has been common in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today's
advertising when enterprises advertise their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an advert containing pornographic content.
For example
, the “
Possible spelling mistake found.
Segar
Possible spelling mistake found.
dingin
Possible spelling mistake found.
susu
soda”
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
, a drinking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
gives an unethical impression by showing a sensual style of the artist played by Julia Perez wearing super-sexy clothes. This condition is not acceptable and unreasonable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it can trigger the watcher’s desire and is not in line with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
advertised.

Advertisements
are meant
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
the advantages and outstanding features of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
or service while most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
shown on TV and the internet are
highly
deceptive and contain
sexually
explicit materials. These should
be controlled
by any means or the society would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
the slow poisoning of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
and unsuitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
virus.

To sum up, it is obvious that most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
are not acceptable for the society referring to
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
unethical adverts which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
found these days.
Hence
, it should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's responsibility to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
this condition by giving a strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
of this kind of activities.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some of the methods used in advertising are unethical and unacceptable in today’s society. v. 25

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
336 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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