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Some of the methods used in advertising are unethical and unacceptable in today’s society. To what extent do you agree with this view? v.15

Some of the methods used in advertising are unethical and unacceptable in today’s society. v. 15
Advertising methods nowadays make use of immoral and inappropriate content. Although commercials play an important role in product marketing, I completely agree with the argument that some of the advertisements use inappropriate ways of promotion. To begin with, some of the adverts spread / show false information about the product resulting in customer dissatisfaction. Some commercials such as fairness and skin creams try to lure the customers by making false claims, but when they use these products, they do not get satisfactory results. In addition to this, some of the ads use stunts and other pernicious activities to influence people. Although these kinds of commercials target customers of all ages, their influence / impact on youngsters is the highest. Consequently, the children want to purchase these products and try to imitate the stunts shown in the commercial at home. For example, by showing a dangerous car and bike stunts in the Thumps Up commercial, this company is casting the negative impression on the minds of youngsters that by consuming this drink, anyone would be capable of performing dangerous stunts. Furthermore, some of the advertisements contain vulgar and obscene content that can badly influence the young minds and force them to go astray. In addition to this, by using child actors in fast food, cold-drinks and chocolate commercials, these companies try to attract the children. As a result, youngsters nowadays consume more fast food, cold-drinks and chocolates instead of a home cooked meal. Moreover, due to the all pervasive commercials, there is an increase in the financial burden on parent’s shoulders because they have to put up with the demands of their children. To exemplify this, by getting influenced by the Sony Play station advert, my cousin forced my uncle to purchase it for him. After a lot of arguments, my uncle gave in and he had to buy that play station to his son. In conclusion, I reiterate that some companies use inappropriate and unethical ways to advertise their products and this practice results in consumer dissatisfaction and detrimental impacts on children and individuals.
Advertising methods nowadays
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of immoral and inappropriate content. Although commercials play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
marketing, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the argument that
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
advertisements
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
inappropriate ways of promotion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
adverts spread /
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
false information about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
resulting in customer dissatisfaction.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
commercials such as fairness and skin creams try to lure the customers by making false claims,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
satisfactory results.
In addition
to this,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
ads
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
stunts and other pernicious activities to influence
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. Although these kinds of commercials target customers of all ages, their influence / impact on youngsters is the highest.
Consequently
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and try to imitate the stunts shown in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commercial
at home.
For example
, by showing a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
car and bike stunts in the Thumps Up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commercial
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
is casting the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impression on the minds of youngsters that by consuming this drink, anyone would be capable of performing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
stunts.

Furthermore
,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
advertisements contain vulgar and obscene content that can
badly
influence the young minds and force them to go astray.
In addition
to this, by using child actors in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
-drinks and chocolate commercials, these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
try to attract the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
As a result
, youngsters nowadays consume more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
-drinks and chocolates
instead
of a home cooked meal.
Moreover
, due to the all pervasive commercials, there is an increase in the financial burden on parent’s shoulders
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
put up with the demands of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. To exemplify this, by getting influenced by the Sony Play station advert, my cousin forced my uncle to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
it for him. After
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
arguments, my uncle gave
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
in and
he had to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
that play station to his son.

In conclusion
, I reiterate that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
inappropriate and unethical ways to advertise their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and this practice results in consumer dissatisfaction and detrimental impacts on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and individuals.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some of the methods used in advertising are unethical and unacceptable in today’s society. v. 15

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
344 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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