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Some high schools have a requirement that students must complete a certain amount of volunteer work in order to graduate. What do you think about this type of requirement? Give details to support your opinion. v.2

Some high schools have a requirement that students must complete a certain amount of volunteer work in order to graduate. What do you think about this type of requirement? Give details to support your opinion. v. 2
Schools from many countries have a rule that students have to accomplish a number of required volunteer activities if they want to graduate. From my standpoint, I think this kind of requirement is practical as there have many benefits for students from building up essential helpful skills such as communicate, teamwork and soft skills. Moreover, this also brings advantages to the local residents. Firstly, I am convinced that if schools create convenient conditions for students stepping forward to contribute to their local community, yet this will also give them some necessary social skills or, possibly, they may become admired leaders in the future. For example, giving education to poor children is clearly a meaningful activity requiring volunteers to teach their pupils, connect and understand them. Thus, once volunteer students finish this kind of respectful work, they will simultaneously boost up skills of presentation and understanding people rarely taught in high schools. Although it is said that high schools force to complete a certain amount of voluntary works, their final purpose is just want to equip practical experience for their students. In fact, many organizations tend to find employees by looking at their experience. Therefore, what happens if graduate students do not have an impressed background? Obviously, they will look at the number of voluntary works their candidate had conducted while at school. In other words, being involved with these kind of unexpected payment activities is the brilliant way to help graduates find a job. To conclude, because of these reasons for boosting up essential skills and increasing capabilities of employment after graduation, I think this requirement is understandable and acceptable.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Schools
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
accomplish a number of required volunteer activities if they want to graduate. From my standpoint, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this kind of requirement is practical as there have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from building up essential helpful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
such as communicate, teamwork and soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
Moreover
, this
also
brings advantages to the local residents.

Firstly
, I
am convinced
that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
create convenient conditions for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
stepping forward to contribute to their local community,
yet
this will
also
give them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
necessary social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
or,
possibly
, they may become admired leaders in the future.
For example
, giving education to poor children is
clearly
a meaningful activity requiring volunteers to teach their pupils, connect and understand them.
Thus
, once volunteer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
finish this kind of respectful work, they will
simultaneously
boost up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
of presentation and understanding
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
rarely taught in high schools.

Although it
is said
that high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
force to complete a certain amount of voluntary works, their final purpose is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
want to equip practical experience for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. In fact,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
organizations tend to find employees by looking at their experience.
Therefore
, what happens if graduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
do not have an impressed background?
Obviously
, they will look at the number of voluntary works their candidate had conducted while at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
In other words
,
being involved
with
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of unexpected payment activities is the brilliant way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
graduates find a job.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of these reasons for boosting up essential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and increasing capabilities of employment after graduation, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this requirement is understandable and acceptable.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some high schools have a requirement that students must complete a certain amount of volunteer work in order to graduate. What do you think about this type of requirement? Give details to support your opinion. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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