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Governments spend a lot of money on public celebrations such as national holidays and public festivals. Some people say that the government spends too much on this and that they should use this money on other useful things. Do you agree or disagree? v.5

Governments spend a lot of money on public celebrations such as national holidays and public festivals. Some people say that the government spends too much on this and that they should use this money on other useful things. v. 5
"These days One of the most spoken issues is whether government should avoid spending on public celebrations. Since I believe such activities are vital for a country’s customs and traditions, I disagree with this notion. To begin with important events in the history like nation’s independence, formation of republic government is vital milestones achieved by enormous hard work and sacrifices of our ancestors. It is mandatory to appreciate and acknowledge the privilege given to us by honouring and remembering them. For instance, on Independence day, authorities spend a lot of money to organize events from parades to cultural events like dance, music and art which portray our culture and heritage. These events attract people from around the nation and even from remote countries to witness the grand celebration. This, in turn brings in more money to the economy through people’s travel, shopping and sometimes even through donation. Another Reason why I disagree because festivals like Holi, Diwali are celebrated across the nation in a grand manner, which I feel is crucial for individuals and for society. The government is setting up a platform for these festivals, facilitate people to come together and enjoy. Nowadays, most of the families are nuclear, and an event like this in the city gives them an opportunity to get out and spend time with friends and families. Furthermore, it helps our next generation to learn why we celebrate by learning our history and the intricacies of the rituals followed in each kind of festival. In conclusion, I firmly agree that money used by the ministry of the nation for celebrating the festivities and social events are essential as it ensures to bring peace and union in the country
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
These days One of the most spoken issues is whether
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should avoid spending on public celebrations. Since I believe such activities are vital for a country’s customs and traditions, I disagree with this notion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
in the history like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation’s
independence, formation of republic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is vital milestones achieved by enormous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work and sacrifices of our ancestors. It is mandatory to appreciate and acknowledge the privilege
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to us by
Possible spelling mistake. 'honouring' is British English.
honouring
and remembering them.
For instance
, on
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Independence day
, authorities spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money to organize
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
from parades to cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
like dance, music and art which portray our culture and heritage. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
attract
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
and even from remote countries to witness the grand celebration. This, in turn brings in more money to the economy through
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s travel, shopping and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
even through donation.

Another Reason why I disagree
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
festivals like
Possible spelling mistake found.
Holi
, Diwali
are celebrated
across the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
Consider replacing "in a grand manner" with the adverb for "grand"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a grand manner
, which I feel is crucial for individuals and for society. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is setting up a platform for these festivals, facilitate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
together and enjoy. Nowadays, most of the families are nuclear, and an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
like this in the city gives them an opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
out and spend time with friends and families.
Furthermore
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
our
next
generation to learn why we celebrate by learning our history and the intricacies of the rituals followed in each kind of festival.

In conclusion
, I
firmly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by the ministry of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
for celebrating the festivities and social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
are essential as it ensures to bring peace and union in the country
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Governments spend a lot of money on public celebrations such as national holidays and public festivals. Some people say that the government spends too much on this and that they should use this money on other useful things. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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