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Q3. 9 Starting next semester, students must attend the mandatory Student Volunteer Program in order to graduate. The man and Sarah Brown express their opinion about the announcement. State both their opinions and explain the reasons that they give for hold v.1

Q3. 9 Starting next semester, students must attend the mandatory Student Volunteer Program in order to graduate. The man and Sarah Brown express their opinion about the announcement. State both their opinions and explain the reasons that they give for hold v. 1
"In the recent era, where majority of students are busy in their academic life and hardly find any time for the outdoor sports activities which are very crucial for the overall growth. Some individuals believe it is the need of the hour for the children to get indulge in club sports, however, others opine that it is not necessary. In this essay, I will discuss both views and provide my opinion. First of all, sports play an essential role in the physical and mental growth of the youngsters. In today's where majority of juveniles remain indoors after school hours or spend most of their time on mobile or watching stuff on television and, thus, affecting their health, some sort of sports activity is very much required to live a happy and successful life. From group sports they learn how to work in a club. Furthermore, they get a chance to develop leadership skills by leading their team. Lastly, how to motivate team members in a low situation and maintain coordination among team members. For instance, in a recent survey conducted by the sports council of India, it has been observed that the teenagers who play sports in parallel with education have a great stamina, focus and concentration as compared to others On the other hand, the opponents of company sports say that there is no need to play group sports as it is a wastage of time which otherwise can be utilized for academic front. Then, sometimes leader always takes the credit for the overall squad effort and talented juveniles never got the chance to move up the ladder. Furthermore, they lose their study focus and spend most of their precious hours playing sports only. To conclude, looking at both the pros and cons, I am of the opinion that club sports play a pivotal role in helping the children to succeed in their career and they should involve themselves in some sort of physical games"
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
In the recent era, where majority of students are busy in their academic life and hardly find any time for the outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activities which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
crucial for the
overall
growth.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals believe it is the need of the hour for the children to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
indulge in club
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
,
however
, others opine that it is not necessary. In this essay, I will discuss both views and provide my opinion.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
an essential role in the physical and mental growth of the youngsters. In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's where majority of juveniles remain indoors after school hours or spend most of their time on mobile or watching stuff on television and,
thus
, affecting their health,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sort of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activity is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much required to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a happy and successful life. From group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
they learn how to work in a club.
Furthermore
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance to develop leadership
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
by leading their team.
Lastly
, how to motivate team members in a low situation and maintain coordination among team members.
For instance
, in a recent survey conducted by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
council of India, it has
been observed
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in parallel with education have a great stamina, focus and concentration as compared to
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
others


On the other hand
, the opponents of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
say that there is no need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
as it is a wastage of time which
otherwise
can
be utilized
for academic front. Then,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
leader always takes the credit for the
overall
squad effort and talented juveniles never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
the chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
up the ladder.
Furthermore
, they lose their study focus and spend most of their precious hours playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
.

To conclude
, looking at both the pros and cons, I am of the opinion that club
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
a pivotal role in helping the children to succeed in their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
career and
they should involve themselves in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sort of physical games
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Q3. 9 Starting next semester, students must attend the mandatory Student Volunteer Program in order to graduate. The man and Sarah Brown express their opinion about the announcement. State both their opinions and explain the reasons that they give for hold v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
325 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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