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The charts show the reasons why undergraduates and postgraduates choose to go to Parker University. Describe the difference and compare them if possible. v.1

The charts show the reasons why undergraduates and postgraduates choose to go to Parker University. Describe the difference and compare them if possible. v. 1
It is a fact that advancements in technology have colossally affected the society over the last few decades. Some people consider letter as the major communicating media, whereas some others argue that the modern communication like email is more effective. However, to a large extent I agree with the argument that the introduction of electronic mail and messages has replaced the use of letters. To begin with, the use of modern devices for communication has become inevitable. The reliability and accessibility are the major advantages of using the advanced means to communicate with each other. With the use of internet and electronic devices like laptop and mobile phone, the mail and other message applications can be accessed from anywhere and at any time, so more people prefer to use the mail for formal communication. Moreover, fast response is another benefit of using the latest technologies. People can communicate with each other easily and it is possible to get connected to people from anywhere in the world, thus the quick response systemresponse system where people are allowed to send and receive messages very easily and faster. For instance, private and public organizations now use email as the major media for communication, so that they can send and receive response quickly. On the other hand, the importance of letters in the early days was indispensable. Because of the less technological advancements, people rely on letters and postal services for communication. But it has been a long time taking process, which cannot be relied for an emergency. For example, posting the letter and delivering will take too much time, thus the people have to wait for response. In conclusion, with the dramatic increase of technological advancement the communication media have changed significantly. The fast response and reliability of email and SMS has replaced the use of letters.
It is a fact that advancements in technology have
colossally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
the society over the last few decades.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
letter
as the major communicating media, whereas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
others argue that the modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
like email is more effective.
However
, to a large extent I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the argument that the introduction of electronic mail and messages has replaced the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of letters.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of modern devices for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
has become inevitable. The reliability and accessibility are the major advantages of using the advanced means to communicate with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. With the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of internet and electronic devices like laptop and mobile phone, the mail and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
message applications can
be accessed
from anywhere and at any time,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the mail for formal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
response
is another benefit of using the latest technologies.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can communicate with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
easily
and it is possible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
connected to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from anywhere in the world,
thus
the quick
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
response
Possible spelling mistake found.
systemresponse
system where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
and receive messages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easily
and faster.
For instance
, private and public organizations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
email as the major media for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
and receive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
response
quickly
.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
letters
in the early days was indispensable.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of the less technological advancements,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
rely on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
letters
and postal services for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it has been a long time taking process, which cannot be
The verb 'to rely' requires the preposition '(up)on': "relied on".
relied
for an emergency.
For example
, posting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
letter
and delivering will take too much time,
thus
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
wait for response.

In conclusion
, with the dramatic increase of technological advancement the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
media have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
significantly
. The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
response
and reliability of email and SMS has replaced the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
letters
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The charts show the reasons why undergraduates and postgraduates choose to go to Parker University. Describe the difference and compare them if possible. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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