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Some governments spend a lot of public money training up individuals to be successful in international sporting events. Some people believe that this money should be spent on things that will benefit the general public instead. To what extent do you agree v.1

Some governments spend a lot of public money training up individuals to be successful in international sporting events. Some people believe that this money should be spent on things that will benefit the general public instead. 1
In a wide range of well-developed countries these days, the government tend to allocate budgets of the considerable amount in order to prepare talented athletes for international sport’s competitions such as Olympics. This trend prompts a controversial topic of whether or not these expenses should be utilized for other purposes that meet general interests. I subscribe to the idea that it is absolutely imperative for a nation to be prosperous in overseas sport’s events in order to preserve the sense of patriotism among its members and also, to motivate its young sport enthusiastic individuals. Nothing would stimulate and trigger the feeling of proudness in a nation than achieving international sport’s awards and medals. Considering the fact that athletes present their whole nation outside their country’s borders, when a national team or a sportsman or woman manage to defeat their competitors, this would generate a wave of contentment and happiness among their local community. Accordingly, this is extremely essential for governments to prepare the grounds of prosperity for their athletes, since otherwise, the country would lose face and this would result in general grief. More importantly, governmental funding for international sport’s competitions can ultimately pave the way of attracting youngsters into pursuing an athletic career. In doing so, not only the crime rate among younger individuals would dramatically drop, but also the general health would ameliorate. This means the young generation would have the ammunition to create a relatively more stable society. Considering Sweden as an example, a recent survey by World Health Organization (WHO) demonstrates that the key factors contributing to the high quality of life have grown up to 20 percent since 2010. This study implies that this increase has happened simultaneously with the enlargement of governmental sport’s founding and at the end, it concludes that these two happenings are in a close correlation. Taken together, I firmly hold the view that it is absolutely essential for a nation to be able to gain various international sport’s achievements. For that purpose, compatible state money should be dedicated to training sportsmen and women in the society.
In a wide range of well-
developed countries
these days, the
government
tend to allocate budgets of the considerable amount in order to prepare talented athletes for
international
sport’s
competitions such as Olympics. This trend prompts a controversial topic of
whether or not
these expenses should
be utilized
for other purposes that
meet
general interests. I subscribe to the
idea
that it is
absolutely
imperative for a
nation
to be prosperous in overseas
sport’s
events
in order to preserve the sense of patriotism among its members and
also
, to motivate its young
sport
enthusiastic individuals.

Nothing would stimulate and trigger the feeling of
proudness
in a
nation
than achieving
international
sport’s
awards and medals. Considering the fact that athletes present their whole
nation
outside their country’s borders, when a national team or a sportsman or woman manage to defeat their competitors, this would generate a wave of contentment and happiness among their local community.
Accordingly
, this is
extremely
essential for
governments
to prepare the grounds of prosperity for their athletes, since
otherwise
, the country would lose face and this would result
in general
grief.

More
importantly
, governmental funding for
international
sport’s
competitions can
ultimately
pave the way of attracting youngsters into pursuing an athletic career. In doing
so
, not
only
the crime rate among younger individuals would
dramatically
drop,
but
also
the general health would ameliorate. This means the young generation would have the ammunition to create a
relatively
more stable society. Considering Sweden as an example, a recent survey by World Health Organization (WHO) demonstrates that the key factors contributing to the high quality of life have grown up to 20 percent since 2010. This study implies that this increase has happened
simultaneously
with the enlargement of governmental
sport’s
founding and at the
end
, it concludes that these two happenings are in a close correlation.

Taken together, I
firmly
hold the view that it is
absolutely
essential for a
nation
to be able to gain various
international
sport’s
achievements. For that purpose, compatible state money should
be dedicated
to training sportsmen and women in the society.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some governments spend a lot of public money training up individuals to be successful in international sporting events. Some people believe that this money should be spent on things that will benefit the general public instead. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
346 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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