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Nowadays some professions such as doctors, lawyers and engineers are paid much higher than ordinary workers. What do you think of this trend? Are there any jobs which you think should offer higher salaries. v.1

Nowadays some professions such as doctors, lawyers and engineers are paid much higher than ordinary workers. What do you think of this trend? Are there any jobs which you think should offer higher salaries. v. 1
Some professionals such as doctors, engineers and lawyers are the most paid ones compared to other normal workers. Although I agree that these jobs deserve high salaries due to their educational background and also their need in the society, there are also few other professions which should be offered high salaries such as police, military officers and teachers who serves as the back bones of the nation’s development. When it comes to professions such as doctors and engineers, they spend not only lot of money and time for their graduation but also put enormous efforts to gain high grades throughout their education. After graduating, these professionals at their work place have lot of commitments and they should be available, be conscious and accountable for every situation handled by them. For example, a doctor might get a call any time round the clock to attend emergency cases and thus saves the lives of many critical patients on daily basis. Hence, these employees deserve to be paid well for their hard work and dedication. However, there are also few other jobs who are eligible to get high salaries such as Teachers, military and police officers. While police and military officers play a major role in protecting and serving the nation all the time, teachers do have a great impact on student’s personality and development apart from teaching them the subject. For instance, most of the professions now are previously students who were taught and got inspired by their teachers. Therefore, these professionals also should be paid generous amount of money to encourage them to put more efforts in building a better nation. To summarise, while it is undeniable fact that doctors and engineers should be paid with higher salaries, it is equally important to consider few other professions such as teachers, police and military officers due to their constant efforts for a remarkable change in the society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
professionals such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
, engineers and lawyers are the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
ones compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
normal workers. Although I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that these jobs deserve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
due to their educational background and
also
their need in the society, there are
also
few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professions
which should
be offered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
police
, military
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
officers
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
who
Did you mean "serve"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'teachers' should be used.
serves
as the back bones of the nation’s development.

When it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professions
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
and engineers, they spend not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
lot of money and time for their graduation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
put enormous efforts to gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
grades throughout their education. After graduating, these professionals at their work place have
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
commitments and
they should be available, be conscious and accountable for every situation handled by them.
For example
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctor
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a call any time round the clock to attend emergency cases and
thus
saves the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
critical patients on daily basis.
Hence
, these employees deserve to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
well for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work and dedication.

However
, there are
also
few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
jobs who are eligible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Teachers
, military and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
police
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
officers
. While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
police
and military
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
officers
play a major role in protecting and serving the nation all the time,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
do have a great impact on student’s personality and development apart from teaching them the subject.
For instance
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
are previously students who
were taught
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
inspired by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
.
Therefore
, these professionals
also
should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
generous amount of money to encourage them to put more efforts in building a better nation.

To
Possible spelling mistake. 'summarise' is British English.
summarise
, while it is undeniable fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
and engineers should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
with higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
, it is
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to consider few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professions
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
police
and military
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
officers
due to their constant efforts for a remarkable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the society.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
37Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays some professions such as doctors, lawyers and engineers are paid much higher than ordinary workers. What do you think of this trend? Are there any jobs which you think should offer higher salaries. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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