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Some employers want to be able to contact their staff at all times, even on holidays. Does this development have more advantages than disadvantages? v.1

Some employers want to be able to contact their staff at all times, even on holidays. Does this development have more advantages than disadvantages? v. 1
The employment practices have been changed radically since the last 25 to 30 years. Most of the employers want to be looped with their employees all the time in order to get rid of any uncertain situation. These working practices have their own positive aspects; however it has some significant negative points too. To begin with, technology is changing rapidly and it is setting lot of pressure on the multinational companies to small scale organizations to meet market demands. In order to meet demand or requirements the employers are trying to get maximum possible work from their staff. Nowadays, managers are used to call their junior staff at any time if any work related critical situation comes around. These kinds of practices has some advantages such as; critical situation can be tackled immediately, in certain conditions problems needs to resolve on the spot to avoid any delays or financial damages to company, for example, construction industry. On the other hand, an employee is getting paid for their working hours only. The majority of an employee does not expect to work for free or they may not want to spend their leisure time at office even its urgency. For example, If an employee is enjoying their family time or function and if they were asked to do something office stuff, definitely they will not like to skip their personal life. This may result in employee’s low morale, they might feel to switch their current job or start to hate their company, they may not work as efficient as they supposed to work. In conclusion, contacting the employees 24X7 has its own benefits as an organization. However, it has significant downsides that might cost a-lot to the employer.
The employment practices have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
radically
since the last 25 to 30 years. Most of the employers want to
be looped
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of any uncertain situation. These working practices have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects;
however
it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
significant
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
points too.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, technology is changing
rapidly
and it is setting
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
pressure on the multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
scale organizations to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
market demands. In order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
demand or requirements the employers are trying to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
maximum possible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from their staff. Nowadays, managers are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to call their junior staff at any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
if any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
related critical situation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
around. These kinds of practices
You should probably use "have", "haven".
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages such as; critical situation can
be tackled
immediately, in certain conditions problems needs to resolve on the spot to avoid any delays or financial damages to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
,
for example
, construction industry.

On the other hand
, an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
is getting paid for their working hours
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
. The majority of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
free or
they may not want to spend their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at office even its urgency.
For example
, If an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
is enjoying their family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
or function and if they
were asked
to do something office stuff, definitely they will not like to skip their personal life. This may result in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee’s
low morale, they might feel to switch their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
job or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to hate their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, they may not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as efficient as they supposed to work.

In conclusion
, contacting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
Replace by the typographical symbol.
24X7
has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
benefits as an organization.
However
, it has significant downsides that might cost a-lot to the employer.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some employers want to be able to contact their staff at all times, even on holidays. Does this development have more advantages than disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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