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Providing a national system in a country where the unemployed receive a regular payment only encourages people not to seek work and puts an unreasonable strain on a country’s financial resources. Discuss this statement and give your opinion. v.2

Providing a national system in a country where the unemployed receive a regular payment only encourages people not to seek work and puts an unreasonable strain on a country’s financial resources. Discuss this statement and give your opinion. v. 2
In a salad days of the millennium, the society is polarized into two groups almost equally regarding the notion that financial help should be given to unemployed on a regular basis. Others, however, believe that it leads to economic crises and only encourages them to sit free. Different people have their distinct mindsets. The following paragraphs would shed light on both the approaches before making final note. To commence with the first notion, there are myriad things to be shared in its favour. First and foremost, after getting some pay from power, unemployed sector will able to get a basic needs like food. As a result, poverty may demolish from a nation. Secondly, with the financial support every poor child will able to achieve beneficiary education. Consequently, improvement in educational field can be seen. Shifting towards the second school of thought, after receiving regular help they would not like to do any hard work. Hence, it may create more unemployment. Moreover, if regime supply this much salary, then there would be no capital left for other requirements. Therefore, there will be financial crises and the growth rate will decrease dramatically. Having discussed both arguments and counter arguments, I would like to infer that authority should furnish more training facilities to increase employment instead of providing financial assistance. To justify my state of mind, there is an instance of developed countries which provide more employment opportunities to citizens and they are more stable than developing one. So, there is a need to educate public and help them to get a job. Hammering the last nail, I personally feel that the union should spend time and fund to create more jobs rather than providing financial assistance to unemployed.
In a salad days of the millennium, the society
is polarized
into two groups almost
equally
regarding the notion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to unemployed on a regular basis. Others,
however
, believe that it leads to economic crises and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
encourages them to sit free.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have their distinct mindsets. The following paragraphs would shed light on both the approaches
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
making final note.

To commence with the
first
notion, there are myriad things to
be shared
in its
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
.
First
and foremost, after getting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
pay from power, unemployed sector
Did you mean "will be able"?
will able
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a basic needs like food.
As a result
, poverty may demolish from a nation.
Secondly
, with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
support every poor child
Did you mean "will be able"?
will able
to achieve beneficiary education.
Consequently
, improvement in educational field can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
.

Shifting towards the second school of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
, after receiving regular
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
they would not like to do any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work.
Hence
, it may create more unemployment.
Moreover
, if regime supply this much salary, then there would be no capital
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
for other requirements.
Therefore
, there will be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
crises and the growth rate will decrease
dramatically
.

Having discussed both arguments and counter arguments, I would like to infer that authority should furnish more training facilities to increase employment
instead
of providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
assistance. To justify my state of mind, there is an instance of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
which provide more employment opportunities to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
citizens and
they are more stable than developing one.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, there is a need to educate public and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a job.

Hammering the last nail, I
personally
feel that the union should spend time and fund to create more jobs
rather
than providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
assistance to unemployed.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Providing a national system in a country where the unemployed receive a regular payment only encourages people not to seek work and puts an unreasonable strain on a country’s financial resources. Discuss this statement and give your opinion. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
286 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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