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In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion v.28

In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. 28
People have different views as to whether tax should be devoted to fast trains connecting cities or transportation public in use. Although it can be argued that investing in high speed trains between cities is essential, I believe that ameliorating current existing public transportation is more urgent. On the one hand, I agree that new railway lines for fast trains between cities bring a number of benefits. When high-speed trains allow commuters to travel a great distance in a short period, city dwellers have a tendency to move out of city centres to live in the vicinity where houses are more affordable and the environment is fresher. As a result, dilemmas of major cities including housing, traffic jams and pollution can be addressed comparatively effectively. In addition, tourism in neighbouring cities may benefit from these railway lines because when travelling between cities becomes more convenient, people are likely to spend their weekend travelling and exploring these places instead of staying at home. On the other hand, I am of the opinion that public transport should be upgraded before pouring money into high speed trains. Firstly, roads need to maintain and enlarging to meet the transportation needs, leading to reduced traffic jams and accidents. For example, after the routes between two cities Vinh and Ha Tinh in Vietnam had been repaired, the number of accidents reduced significantly and trade between cities developed more than before. Secondly, existing public transportation such as buses, regular trains should be enhanced instead of constructing new railways. The reason is that such forms of transport may meet sufficient transport needs of the majority of citizens if they are good enough. In conclusion, it seems to me that spending tax improving present-day public transportation is more beneficial than building railways for high speed trains.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether", or rephrase the sentence to avoid "as to".
as to whether
tax should
be devoted
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trains
connecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
. Although it can
be argued
that investing in high speed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trains
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
is essential, I believe that ameliorating
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
existing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
is more urgent.

On the one hand, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railway
lines for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trains
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
bring a number of benefits. When high-speed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trains
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
commuters to travel a great distance in a short period, city dwellers have a tendency to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
out of city
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the vicinity where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
are more affordable and the environment is fresher.
As a result
, dilemmas of major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
including housing, traffic jams and pollution can
be addressed
comparatively
effectively
.
In addition
, tourism in
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbouring' is British English.
neighbouring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
may benefit from these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railway
lines
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when travelling between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
becomes more convenient,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are likely to spend their weekend travelling and exploring these places
instead
of staying at home.

On the other hand
, I am of the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transport should
be upgraded
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
pouring money into high speed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trains
.
Firstly
, roads need to maintain and enlarging to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
needs, leading to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
traffic jams and accidents.
For example
, after the routes between two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
Possible spelling mistake found.
Vinh
and Ha
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tinh
in Vietnam had
been repaired
, the number of accidents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
significantly
and trade between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
developed more than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
Secondly
, existing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
such as buses, regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trains
should
be enhanced
instead
of constructing new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railways
. The reason is that such forms of transport may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
sufficient transport needs of the majority of citizens if they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
.

In conclusion
, it seems to me that spending tax improving present-day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
is more beneficial than building
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railways
for high speed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trains
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. 28

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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