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Some employers reward members of staff for their exceptional contribution to the company by giving them extra money. This practice can act as an incentive for some but may have a negative impact on others. To what extent is this style of management effective? Are there better ways of encouraging employees to work hard? v.4

Some employers reward members of staff for their exceptional contribution to the company by giving them extra money. This practice can act as an incentive for some but may have a negative impact on others. Are there better ways of encouraging employees to work hard? v. 4
Achievement of something doing an extraordinary task is called reward. Some institutions select some of their members for doing remarkable work, and rewarded them. The process, sometimes, encourages the workers, but may increase dissatisfaction among other stuffs. Almost every company has It's own policy of rewarding their extraordinary members. For example, Pharmaceutical companies have a special curriculum of marking their workers for their performance, and they give a particular amount of money as an award at the end of each year. By this way, the staffs may feel proud, and do their function more concisely. Besides, Pharmaceutical companies, every association around the world bear a similar strategy. Some owners select their members in every six months, and offer them a promotion to inspire them. Thus, the institute, provide rewards, and manage their workers. The other staffs, however, may feel disrespected due to such type of encouraging manner. The reason is, they also work for the same institute, but does not get any prize. As a result, they may quite the institution. In contrast, there may have a quite different approach to maintaining the staffs. For instance, if a group gives the same amount of money to the staffs of a similar sector, there will have a chance to satisfy the workers equally. Additionally, the organization may declare an extra travel facility for doing the same work more accurately within the time period. In conclusion, it can be said that, to manage the workers in an effective manner, the company offers various facilities. These opportunities sometimes, notwithstanding, raise a range of hopeless among other workers. It is, therefore, necessary to follow a particular way to satisfy the selected workers in a special way as well as encouraging the other members also.
Achievement of something doing an extraordinary task
is called
reward.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
institutions select
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
for doing remarkable work, and rewarded them. The process,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
, encourages the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
may increase dissatisfaction among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
stuffs.

Almost every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
has
Did you mean "its" (possessive pronoun) instead of 'it's' (=it is)?
It's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
policy of rewarding their extraordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
.
For example
, Pharmaceutical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
have a special curriculum of marking their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
for their performance, and they give a particular amount of money as an award at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of each year. By this way, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staffs
may feel proud, and do their function more
concisely
.

Besides
, Pharmaceutical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
, every association around the world bear a similar strategy.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
owners select their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
in every six months, and offer them a promotion to inspire them.
Thus
, the institute, provide rewards, and manage their workers.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staffs
,
however
, may feel disrespected due to such type of encouraging manner. The reason is, they
also
work for the same institute,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
any prize.
As a result
, they may quite the institution.

In contrast
, there may have a quite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
approach to maintaining the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staffs
.
For instance
, if a group gives the same amount of money to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staffs
of a similar sector, there will have a chance to satisfy the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
equally
.
Additionally
, the organization may declare an extra travel facility for doing the same work more
accurately
within the time period.

In conclusion
, it can
be said
that, to manage the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
Consider replacing "in an effective manner" with the adverb for "effective"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an effective manner
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
offers various facilities. These opportunities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
, notwithstanding, raise a range of hopeless among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
. It is,
therefore
, necessary to follow a particular way to satisfy the selected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
in a special way
as well
as encouraging the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
also
.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some employers reward members of staff for their exceptional contribution to the company by giving them extra money. This practice can act as an incentive for some but may have a negative impact on others. Are there better ways of encouraging employees to work hard? v. 4

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
290 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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