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Some people believe that hobbies need to be difficult to be enjoyable. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.5

In this modern era of 21st century, digital world has become a necessity to living. Almost every person uses technology on their day-to-day basis for daily life. Be it work, shopping, school or even entertainment, technology is in high demand. It’s become like oxygen, living without one seems almost impossible. But, in my opinion I firmly believe in following a hobby without technology. Additionally, life with technology isn’t bad but it’s becoming an obsession and addiction. It’s like smoking cigars, once you start it your unable to stop it. Moreover, it can help you explore into a lot of new and unique opportunities.
In this modern era of 21st century, digital world has become a necessity to living. Almost every person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
on their day-to-day basis for daily life. Be it work, shopping, school or even entertainment,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is in high demand. It’s become like oxygen, living without one seems almost impossible.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, in my opinion I
firmly
believe in following a hobby without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
Additionally
, life with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
isn’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it’s becoming an obsession and addiction. It’s like smoking cigars, once you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
it your unable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
it.
Moreover
, it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you explore into
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
new and unique opportunities.
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IELTS essay Some people prefer hobbies that require technology, where as others prefer hobbies that do not require technology.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
103 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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