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Some educationalists think that international exchange visit would benefit teenagers in the school. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v.2

Some educationalists think that international exchange visit would benefit teenagers in the school. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2
Today selection of education method for young adults has been the most crucial agenda. Many teaching experts believe that in the school, it would be advantageous for youths to involve in the international exchange visit. In my opinion, I think the merits outstrips the demerits that it might bring to an international exchange visit to young people. Despite the basic drawbacks below, I consider that the positive aspects of this trend are more significant. The first and the foremost one, new culture acquaintance. In other words, students get the opportunity to learn various new things about the host country culture and lifestyle. Take, for example, a juvenile when goes from India to China he/she comes to learn about the local culture, traditions, food, festivals, dressing style, fashion and so on. Moreover, gradually, a juvenile gets proficient in the local language of the country. In addition to the above positive side, another merit that adolescents have in this exchange program is a better quality of education. Education standard of developing countries cannot be compared with developed countries education level so far. This program radically gives a wide ground to such learners to learn at a better platform. Apart from this, such students will have international degrees, which are acceptable all over the world. As a result, such people have numerous placements offers; therefore, the benefits of abroad learning and exchange programs are pivotal for young people. Admittedly there a minor drawback in the global exchange visit. First, many learners counter racial discrimination- due to the skin colour of the students- they might be biased by peer students. Nevertheless, if the authorities of the schools take proper care of international students or if they leive strict rules against the students doing such activities this problem could be resolved. In conclusion, although there is a drawback of an international exchange visit, the advantages overrule the disadvantages. It will benefit young people a lot in their present and future life.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
selection of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
method for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adults has been the most crucial agenda.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
teaching experts
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
believe


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
that
in the school, it would be advantageous for youths to involve in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exchange
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the merits outstrips the demerits that it might bring to an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exchange
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Despite the basic drawbacks below, I consider that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects of this trend are more significant. The
first
and the foremost one, new culture acquaintance.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the opportunity to learn various new things about the host country culture and lifestyle. Take,
for example
, a juvenile when goes from India to China he/she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to learn about the local culture, traditions, food, festivals, dressing style, fashion and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Moreover
,
gradually
, a juvenile
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
proficient in the local language of the country.

In addition
to the above
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
side, another merit that adolescents have in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exchange
program is a better quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
standard of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
cannot
be compared
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
level
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
far. This program
radically
gives a wide ground to such learners to learn at a better platform. Apart from this, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
degrees, which are acceptable all over the world.
As a result
, such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have numerous placements offers;
therefore
, the benefits of abroad learning and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exchange
programs are pivotal for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Admittedly
there a minor drawback in the global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exchange
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
.
First
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
learners counter racial discrimination- due to the skin
Possible spelling mistake. 'colour' is British English.
colour
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students-
they might
be biased
by peer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
Nevertheless
, if the authorities of the schools take proper care of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
or if they
Possible spelling mistake found.
leive
strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
against the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
doing such activities this problem could
be resolved
.

In conclusion
, although there is a drawback of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exchange
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
, the advantages overrule the disadvantages. It will benefit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
a lot in their present and future life.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some educationalists think that international exchange visit would benefit teenagers in the school. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
326 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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