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Your internet connection has been slow and intermittent. Write a letter to your internet service provider to complain. In the letter. Describe the problem and why you are unhappy. Arrange for an engineer to visit your home. Request a reduction in your bill. v.1

Your internet connection has been slow and intermittent. Write a letter to your internet service provider to complain. In the letter. Describe the problem and why you are unhappy. Arrange for an engineer to visit your home. Request a reduction in your bill. v. 1
Technology advances make a considerable variation to our daily lives, wherein it facilitates most of humans' problems and lives seem to be more convenient. One of the versatile devices, mobile phones, have shifted the way we work significantly, from a small child to an elder. Therefore, it is debated that whether parents should provide their offspring with such a smart device or not. In my essay, I will analyse both of the perspectives and demonstrate mine at the end of the writing. Mobile phones enhance our productivity. Especially in education, in which the young have access to the internet, can explore the world around them through a touch screen. Additionally, they can participate in online courses of different topics. Consequently, children could broaden their knowledge besides school time by using their smart phones. For example, many researchers in the University of California suggested that 52% of children who use their mobile phone for education purposes, seem to do better at school than others. This means that, such device can be used incorrectly, which leads to many negative effects. Although mobile phones create better opportunities for studying, it still can be operated for other purposes such as entertainment, which is the biggest concern for most parents when offering them a smart device. Children who play video games on their phone face addiction. Consequently, they will do remarkably worse at school compared to those who do not enjoy this form of entertainment. For instance, over 55% of children worldwide has to deal with addiction to gaming every day. In my opinion, I regard phones as helpful devices in terms of teaching and studying. However, it should only be given to younger users under a strict parental guidance.
Technology advances
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a considerable variation to our daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, wherein it facilitates
After 'most of', you should use 'the' ("most of the humans") or simply say "most humans".
most of humans
' problems and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
seem to be more convenient. One of the versatile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
, mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
, have shifted the way we work
significantly
, from a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
child to an elder.
Therefore
, it
is debated
that whether parents should provide their offspring with such a smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
device
or not. In my essay, I will
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
both of the perspectives and demonstrate mine at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the writing.

Mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
enhance our productivity.
Especially
in education, in which the young have access to the internet, can explore the world around them through a touch screen.
Additionally
, they can participate in online courses of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
topics.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
could broaden their knowledge
besides
school time by using their smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
researchers in the University of California suggested that 52% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
for education purposes, seem to do better at school than others. This means that, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
device
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
incorrectly
, which leads to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects.

Although mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
create better opportunities for studying, it
still
can
be operated
for other purposes such as entertainment, which is the biggest concern for most parents when offering them a smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
device
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
who play video games on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
face addiction.
Consequently
, they will do
The extreme adjective for bad is "awful", "terrible", "evil" or "horrible".
remarkably worse
at school compared to those who do not enjoy this form of entertainment.
For instance
, over 55% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
worldwide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
deal with addiction to gaming every day.

In my opinion, I regard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
as helpful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
in terms of teaching and studying.
However
, it should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to younger users under a strict parental guidance.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Your internet connection has been slow and intermittent. Write a letter to your internet service provider to complain. In the letter. Describe the problem and why you are unhappy. Arrange for an engineer to visit your home. Request a reduction in your bill. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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