Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some educationalists argue that non exam arts based subjects such as music drama art and craft should be compulsory in the secondary school curriculum They believe that activities such as these can improve overall academic performance To what extent do yo v.2

Some educationalists argue that non exam arts based subjects such as music drama art and craft should be compulsory in the secondary school curriculum They believe that activities such as these can improve overall academic performance 2
It is sometimes argued that secondary school students should be made compulsory arts subjects such as music, drama, as well as art and craft. As per some educators, it can improve students productivity in the other subjects. While I disagree with the idea of making such compulsory arts programmes, I do believe that arts subjects can benefit youngsters. There are several reasons why I disagree with having compulsory arts programmes for secondary school students. First, the school curriculum has already full with the important academic subjects such as maths as well as natural and social sciences. For example, A 2010 study conducted in Australia pointed out that secondary students in 50 Australian schools have busy timetable and it was not possible to add other extra programmes. Secondly, by having additional class for music, drama, or craft will affect in students’ valuable study time. Ultimately, I believe that the students would be reluctant to carry out any assignment of obligatory programmes. On the other hand, the opportunity of making arts subjects as compulsory programmes can be extremely positive for some students who have strong passionate about it. A research about this topic in Indonesia which was carried out in 2012 showed that the activities such performing arts, theatrical, or painting lead students to gain other achievements apart from academic accomplishments during their school life. Not surprisingly, the students who often to turn up many arts performances get valuable experiences which quite different with serious learning activities that are only used to focusing on writing, reading, and counting skills. As a results, it will enhance their other abilities. The aforementioned evidence shows that it is really compelling to put arts subjects into obligatory programmes as students has already had full academic schedule and it will bother the main programmes. Although arts subjects have advantages as it will increase students’ abilities in arts and give them such priceless experiences, I strongly believe that idea about this will bring too much pressure to secondary students. Where possible, children should be taught by balancing both main academic and arts subjects to support the development of their knowledge.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
argued that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
be made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
compulsory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
such as music, drama,
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and craft. As per
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
educators, it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
productivity in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. While I disagree with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of making such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
compulsory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
, I do believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
can benefit youngsters.

There are several reasons why I disagree with having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
compulsory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
First
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum has already
The usual collocation for "full" is "of" not "with". Did you mean "full of"?
full with
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
such as
Possible spelling mistake. 'maths' is British English.
maths
as well
as natural and social sciences.
For example
, A 2010 study conducted in Australia pointed out that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in 50 Australian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
have busy timetable and it was not possible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
extra
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
.
Secondly
, by having additional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
for music, drama, or craft will
Did you mean "effect"?
affect
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
valuable study time.
Ultimately
, I believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
would be reluctant to carry out any assignment of obligatory
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, the opportunity of making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
compulsory
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
can be
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who have strong passionate about it.
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
A research
about this topic in Indonesia which
was carried
out in 2012
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that the activities such performing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
, theatrical, or painting lead
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
achievements apart from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
accomplishments during their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
life. Not
surprisingly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
to turn up
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
performances
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
valuable experiences which quite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
with serious learning activities that are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to focusing on writing, reading, and counting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. As
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a result" or simply "results"?
a results
, it will enhance their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
abilities.

The aforementioned evidence
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that it is
really
compelling to put
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
into obligatory
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
has already had full
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
schedule and it will bother the main
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
have advantages as it will increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
abilities in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and give them such priceless experiences, I
strongly
believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
about this will bring too much pressure to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. Where possible, children should
be taught
by balancing both main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
to support the development of their knowledge.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
54Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Mistakes

IELTS essay Some educationalists argue that non exam arts based subjects such as music drama art and craft should be compulsory in the secondary school curriculum They believe that activities such as these can improve overall academic performance 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
352 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts