Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some educationalists argue that non-exam art-based subjects, such as music, drama, art and craft, should be compulsory in the secondary-school curriculum. They believe that activities such as these can improve overall academic performance. To what extent v.2

Some educationalists argue that non-exam art-based subjects, such as music, drama, art and craft, should be compulsory in the secondary-school curriculum. They believe that activities such as these can improve overall academic performance. 2
Overwhelming of majority of people think that are-based subjects are less important in comparison with scientific academic courses. While, educational experts believe that these sort of courses should be obligatory. I agree to this idea for couple of reason. The most important thing that should be stuck in mind, is about the effect of are on students’ mind. A great deal of psychological research has been done to prove the impact of art on people character. The results have indicated that engaging in art can reduce the stress in human body. According to this, some psychologist, recommend to be involved in some artistic stuff to relief daily stress. Playing music, painting, creating hand-made subject such as sculpture, will impact peoples’ mood positively and result in improving their spirit. Also, since creating art needs to be innovative, students will learn to think widely and consider all aspects, which will help them to be more concentrate on their technical and especial courses. On the other hand, one of the required skills for students, is being able to work within a team. I think, most of the art-based activities in schools should be done by a team. As an outstanding instance, I can mentioned school orchestra performance which any students play their own instrument. Another example, is theater that performed by a team as cost under vision of director. Student will learn to obey the leader or manager and, also, be a member of team. Experiences have obviously shown, that those students who were engaged in these group of activities, are more flexible at university and even at work. They can play their role as a member of team more efficiently. As a conclusion, in my idea, art-based subjects are very effective, and they should be compulsory in schools curriculum. These kind of courses are able to influence student spirit and creativeness. Also, students will learn how to work in team-working projects
Overwhelming of
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that are-based subjects are less
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in comparison
with scientific academic courses.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
, educational experts believe that
Did you mean "this sort" or "these sorts"?
these sort
of courses should be obligatory. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
for couple of reason.

The most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing that should
be stuck
in mind, is about the effect of are on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
mind. A great deal of psychological research has
been done
to prove the impact of art on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
character. The results have indicated that engaging in art can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
in human body. According to this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
psychologist, recommend to
be involved
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
artistic stuff to relief daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. Playing music, painting, creating hand-made subject such as sculpture, will impact peoples’ mood
positively
and result in improving their spirit.
Also
, since creating art needs to be innovative,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will learn to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
widely
and consider all aspects, which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to be more concentrate on their technical and especial courses.

On the other hand
, one of the required
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, is being able to work within a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, most of the art-based activities in schools should
be done
by a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
. As an outstanding instance, I can
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "mention"
mentioned
school orchestra performance which any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
play their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
instrument. Another example, is theater that performed by a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
as cost under vision of director.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Student
will learn to obey the leader or manager and,
also
, be a member of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
. Experiences have
obviously
shown, that those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who
were engaged
in these group of activities, are more flexible at university and even at work. They can play their role as a member of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
more
efficiently
.

As a conclusion, in my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
, art-based subjects are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
effective, and they should be compulsory in schools curriculum.
Did you mean "this kind" or "These kinds"?
These kind
of courses are able to influence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
spirit and creativeness.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will learn how to work in team-working projects
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Some educationalists argue that non-exam art-based subjects, such as music, drama, art and craft, should be compulsory in the secondary-school curriculum. They believe that activities such as these can improve overall academic performance. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
318 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts