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Some educationalist think that international exchange visit will benefit teenagers at the school. To what extent do advantages outweight the disadvantages. v.1

Some educationalist think that international exchange visit will benefit teenagers at the school. v. 1
Education is the key to success. Nowadays international exchange visits become more popular and some educational specialises considered that these are advantageous for teenagers at the school. To a great extent do you agree with this concept. To begin with, different overseas visits provide various knowledge and information to students which would be helpful for higher classes too. These abroad to allow the team students to get a first hand experience of different societies and their culture, customs and values that widen their education horizon. For example, western culture is entirely different from Asian society and visiting the Asian culture and customs diversities provide an exposure of knowledge to the teenagers. In addition to that it allows pupils to mingle with other team students and can build a good relationship. Furthermore, the international exchange programmes help to the teenagers mould a good personality and acquire self -reliance in life. This type of tour force them to do their daily routine themselves without the support of parents that promote independence and confidence. For instance, institutions are for organisations conducting this type of overseas trips posses limited authorised volunteers and they might divide the students into groups also allocate responsibilities which force them to do perfectly. Others people get encouraged to finish their goals perfectly that make some confident. On one hand, this exposure would be area formation of their lives. To conclude, abroad visits are more beneficial than disadvantages by enabling students to understand and mingle with the other society and also made them to be a holder of good personality.
Education is the key to success. Nowadays international exchange visits become more popular and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
educational
Possible spelling mistake. 'specialises' is British English.
specialises
considered that these are advantageous for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
at the school. To a great extent do you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this concept.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
overseas visits provide various knowledge and information to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
which would be helpful for higher classes too. These abroad to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
the team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
'first hand' seems to be a compound adjective in front of a noun. Use a hyphen: "first-hand".
first hand
experience of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
societies and their culture, customs and values that widen their education horizon.
For example
, western culture is
entirely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from Asian society and visiting the Asian culture and customs diversities provide an exposure of knowledge to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.
In addition
to that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
pupils to mingle with other team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and can build a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
relationship.

Furthermore
, the international exchange
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
Possible spelling mistake. 'mould' is British English.
mould
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
personality and acquire self -reliance in life. This type of tour force them to do their daily routine themselves without the support of parents that promote independence and confidence.
For instance
, institutions are for
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
conducting this type of overseas trips posses limited
Possible spelling mistake. 'authorised' is British English.
authorised
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
volunteers and
they might divide the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
into groups
also
allocate responsibilities which force them to do
perfectly
. Others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
encouraged to finish their goals
perfectly
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
confident. On one hand, this exposure would be area formation of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

To conclude
, abroad visits are more beneficial than disadvantages by enabling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to understand and mingle with the other society and
also
made them to be a holder of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
personality.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some educationalist think that international exchange visit will benefit teenagers at the school. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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