Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

BothGovernment and individuals are spending vast amount of money protecting animals and their habitats. This money could be better spent dealing with the fundamental issues in society such as poverty and health care. To what extent do you agree? v.1

BothGovernment and individuals are spending vast amount of money protecting animals and their habitats. This money could be better spent dealing with the fundamental issues in society such as poverty and health care. v. 1
Government is investing, financial support to every sector. Nowadays, not only power authorities, but also several individuals supporting the animal protection scheme by spending a large amount of money some people consider that it is more effective if this fund utilised for major social issues such as poverty and medical care. To a great extent I disagree with this statement. To commence with, humans and animals are living on Earth with a coexistence attitude. The decline of animals and their habitat may adversely affect the life of the ecosystem where humans are also a part. Proper protection of the natural home or environment of animals may encourage people's food productivity. Thus, can reduce the rate of poverty. For example, some of the plant pollination or growth is strengthened by the support of animals, so the decline of animal kingdom affects the progress of the plantation. Hence the funds to animal and habitat protection is also fundamental. Moreover, due to the inventions of modern technology is the healthcare field had a drastic information system. In every year government spending a proper amount of money to support the medical care units. If the law enforcement organisations give more assistance to medication, it affects the humans and nature harmony. Therefore, the amount used to protect the animals does not be a waste of money. Meanwhile that enables earth to maintain its peace. To conclude, it is true that a social problem such as poverty and medical care should be supported in its fullest. But to balance the life in the earth, government must take enough care of nature and animals by investing proper funds.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
is investing, financial support to every sector. Nowadays, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
power authorities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
several individuals supporting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
protection scheme by spending a large amount of money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
consider that it is more effective if this fund
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilised' is British English.
utilised
for major social issues such as poverty and medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
. To a great extent I disagree with this statement.

To commence with, humans and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are living on Earth with a coexistence attitude. The decline of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and their habitat may
adversely
affect the life of the ecosystem where humans are
also
a part. Proper protection of the natural home or environment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
may encourage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's food productivity.
Thus
, can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the rate of poverty.
For example
,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
plant pollination or growth
is strengthened
by the support of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the decline of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
kingdom affects the progress of the plantation.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
the funds to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
and habitat protection is
also
fundamental.

Moreover
, due to the inventions of modern technology is the healthcare field had a drastic information system. In every year
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
spending a proper amount of money to support the medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
units. If the law enforcement
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
give more assistance to medication, it affects the humans and nature harmony.
Therefore
, the amount
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to protect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
does not be a waste of money.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Meanwhile
that enables earth to maintain its peace.

To conclude
, it is true that a social problem such as poverty and medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
should
be supported
in its fullest.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
to balance the life in the earth,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of nature and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
by investing proper funds.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay BothGovernment and individuals are spending vast amount of money protecting animals and their habitats. This money could be better spent dealing with the fundamental issues in society such as poverty and health care. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts