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Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on your children. Do you agree or disagree? v.7

Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on your children. v. 7
Computers are an essential part of children's lives in this modern age. Some people are of the opinion that they are beneficial to children, but I believe that using them every day does more harm than good to children. Children using computers every day can have more health issues due to their sedentary lifestyle. These kids spend so much time on computers and the internet, involving in activities like watching videos, browsing the web and playing games. Due to this, they miss out on physical outside world activities like hiking, travelling and playing sports. This could also lead them to depend on junk food, and not follow proper diet and nutritional guidelines. As a result, this might cause diseases like obesity and diabetes. Computer usage on a regular basis can also cause psychological issues in children. They might be exposed to many negative aspects of the internet, like videos containing adult-specific content and extreme violence. As the kids' brains are still developing and not fully matured, exposing them to this kind of content could cause a huge psychological damage. In addition, the only interaction they might have with friends is through social media. This reduces the chances of real-life experiences and hanging out with friends. This could damage how the society will behave in the future generations. Although, computer usage has some benefits, there could be more negative effects like health and psychological issues in children. Hence, I believe that the computer usage in children should be monitored and reduced.
Computers are an essential part of children's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in this modern age.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are of the opinion that they are beneficial to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I believe that using them every day does more harm than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to children.

Children using computers every day can have more health issues due to their sedentary lifestyle. These kids spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much time on computers and the internet, involving in activities like watching videos, browsing the web and playing games. Due to this, they miss out on physical outside world activities like hiking, travelling and playing sports. This could
also
lead them to depend on junk food, and not follow proper diet and nutritional guidelines.
As a result
, this might cause diseases like obesity and diabetes.

Computer usage on a regular basis can
also
cause psychological issues in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. They might
be exposed
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects of the internet, like videos containing adult-specific content and extreme violence. As the kids' brains are
still
developing and not
fully
matured, exposing them to this kind of content could cause
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "huge psychological damage".
a huge psychological damage
.
In addition
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
interaction they might have with friends is through social media. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the chances of real-life experiences and hanging out with friends. This could damage how the society will behave in the future generations.

Although, computer usage has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits, there could be more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects like health and psychological issues in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Hence
, I believe that the computer usage in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be monitored
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on your children. v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
250 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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