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Some countries spend lot of money to make bicycle usage easier. Why is this? Is this the best solution to traffic congestion? v.2

Some countries spend lot of money to make bicycle usage easier. Why is this? Is this the best solution to traffic congestion? v. 2
These days, it seems an increasing number of people are concerned about immigration. People want to go to the other countries in hope of a better future. According to data from the International Organization for Migration (IOM), nearly 100. 000 Vietnamese people immigrate every year. In this essay, we will discuss some causes and negative effects of immigration in the native country. There are two main reasons why more people wish to migrate. First, there may be high unemployment in their native country. Without a job, people will not have enough income to cover the necessities of life. Therefore, they immigrate to a new country to seek a job. Second, education system in their native country may be inadequate or inaccessible. In Vietnam, for example, most parents do not want their children to study here because they believe the education environment is not good and lack of practical application. Immigration can have some detrimental impacts on the home country. First, the country may lose talented people who could otherwise contribute their knowledge and skills to the development of the country. Professor Ngo Bao Chau, for instance, is one of the most famous mathematicians in Vietnam. However, he has been living and working in France for a long time because his salary in Vietnam was insufficient. Furthermore, if the brain drain continues, it could adversely affect the country’s economy long term. To summarize, joblessness and a poor education system are two primary causes of immigration. Governments should be aware of the long-term, detrimental impacts of emigration. In my opinion, however, immigration also may bring beneficial effects to the native country.
These days, it seems an increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are concerned
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immigration
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
want to go to the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in hope of a better future. According to data from the International Organization for Migration (IOM),
nearly
100. 000 Vietnamese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
immigrate every year. In this essay, we will discuss
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
causes and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immigration
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
native
country.

There are two main reasons why more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
wish to migrate.
First
, there may be high unemployment in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. Without a job,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
income to cover the necessities of life.
Therefore
, they immigrate to a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to seek a job. Second, education system in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
may be inadequate or inaccessible. In Vietnam,
for example
, most parents do not want their children to study here
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they believe the education environment is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and lack of practical application.

Immigration can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
detrimental impacts on the home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
First
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
may lose talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who could
otherwise
contribute their knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to the development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. Professor
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ngo
Possible spelling mistake found.
Bao
Possible spelling mistake found.
Chau
,
for instance
, is one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
mathematicians in Vietnam.
However
, he has been living and working in France for a long time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
his salary in Vietnam was insufficient.
Furthermore
, if the brain drain continues, it could
adversely
affect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
economy long term.

To summarize
, joblessness and a poor education system are two primary causes of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immigration
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
should be aware of the long-term, detrimental impacts of emigration. In my opinion,
however
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immigration
also
may bring beneficial effects to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some countries spend lot of money to make bicycle usage easier. Why is this? Is this the best solution to traffic congestion? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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